Unfulfilled Love
by bishounen lovah
Summary: A Rika Sasaki-Yoshiyuki Terada love fic! Will Terada-sensei discover his true feelings for Rika now that she's a grown woman? R&R pls. *FIN*
1. Rika Sasaki

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 1: Rika Sasaki

Rika shivered as she hiked on a snow-covered trail. It was cold outside but she didn't mind. She wanted to get away from reality for a while. Wanted to get away from her troubles. But try as she might, she can't get any peace of mind. She feels as though she's slowly losing her mind.

She was already 24 years old and a celebrated chef. Everybody who loved to eat knows her name and her heavenly creations. People all around Japan, may they be famous or not, line up at her restaurant for hours just to eat her food.

She was successful in every possible way. But she was lonely. That was a fact that she forgot until two weeks ago.

~Flashback~

"Congratulations, Naoko," Rika said to her childhood friend sincerely. They were in her restaurant where the wedding reception was held. Naoko got married today to her publisher, Yashko Sagara.

"Yeah, congratulations," Sakura hugged Naoko yet again. "And not just because you snagged Yashko."

"What do you mean," Naoko asked as she smiled at Tomoyo and her camera, trying hard not to sweatdrop. _So this is how Sakura feels_, she said to herself.

"I mean that you lucky that Rika agreed to do your reception. Honestly Rika," Sakura faced the other woman, "if anyone asks me what ambrosia is I'll definitely say that what you cook is definitely food fit for the gods."

"She's right, you know," Naoko agreed. "I am so thankful that you did this. I'm pretty sure Yashko won't eat any of my cooking now that he's tasted yours."

"Aw, come on," Rika sweatdropped as she juggled her friends compliments and dodging Tomoyo's swinging camera. "I'm sure he'll eat anything you cook. He's so smitten with you he won't even notice if you serve him a pile of rocks. By the way, where is Chiharu," she said, deciding to shift the attention from herself.

"I think she's with the guys, trying to put a leash on Takashi (Yamazaki). There they are," Tomoyo pointed at the woman who was shaking her head wearily. Unfortunately for Chiharu, her husband and Eriol had teamed up again and were telling another tall tale.

"Come on," Tomoyo said as she turned off her camera. "We'd better rescue her before she goes nuts."

As they neared the small crowd, they heard the topic of their conversation.

"…And that's the reason why they make wedding cakes so tall," Eriol finished just in time when Tomoyo squeezed his hand in warning.

"But that's not all," Takashi said but was quickly interrupted.

"That's enough, Takashi," Chiharu threatened. "You'd better stop it before anyone gets hurt (meaning him)."

"Hey Rika. Why do _you_ chefs make such tall wedding cakes?" Syaoran asked as he put his arm around Sakura's shoulder.

Rika noticed this and realized, for the first time, that she was the only one among their group who was still single. This made her catch her breath.

"Are you okay," Sakura asked as she touched Rika's arm.

Rika started from her trance. She saw that her friends were looking at her worriedly. Not wanting to look as pathetic as she felt, she decided not to hang out with them when they are in pairs. "Um, yeah. I'm fine. Just a little bit thirsty. Excuse me," she said as she made a hasty retreat.

She dodged between the waiters and busboys who were cleaning up and walked to the kitchen. The reception was over and all of the guests have left (with the exception of Sakura & Co.) She leaned on the wall and closed her suddenly tired eyes.

_Breathe, girl, breathe_, she said to herself. Her heart was pounding madly and she has a very strong urge to drop on the floor and bawl like a baby. But she couldn't do that. Not in front of her staff.

She took several deep breaths to calm herself and after a while she decided to go back to the dining room. As she was about to push the swing doors, she saw what was happening in the other room through the round window. She could see her friends and their husbands dancing to a slow tune on the dance floor, unaware of anybody else but themselves.

She took a step backward from the sight. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She ran to her office before they fell to tell the whole world how lonely she is.

~End of Flashback~

_How could this have happened_, she thought angrily as she stomped on a small snow mound. When they were still in grade school, everybody (including herself) thought that she'd be the first to marry. She was so good in cooking and sewing people were already telling her she was ready to get married even before she hit puberty.

_Maybe that's it_, she realized. _I wanted to prove to everybody that I could do better than just being somebody's wife. I drove myself to be somebody so hard I forgot all about my social life._

Sure she had dated some just for the sake of dating. Dates that were fixed by Sakura and the other girls. But she never took them seriously for the reason that she wasn't interested. Not in dating and most especially not in her blind dates. And when she finally became the famous chef that she wanted to be, she stopped dating altogether to make sure that her restaurant would be a booming success.

_Now I am so successful and yet the taste of success is bitter. _"It's because I have no one to share it with," Rika whispered to herself as her vision blurred with tears.

Rika stopped walking because she can no longer see what's in front of her. She can no longer hold her tears back and gave in to that same urge that she felt in the restaurant. She fell down on her knees, buried her face in her hands and cried uncontrollably. Her shoulders shook as she cried her loneliness out, hoping it would wash away.

Minutes had passed before she calmed down. She was suddenly so tired and cold. She decided to go back to her cabin. As she turned back she noticed that snow had fallen down so hard that it covered her tracks. She looked around and realized that she must have veered away from the path.

"Just great! Not only am I alone, now I am alone _and_ lost in this stupid mountain." She muttered. "What did I do to deserve this kind of fate?!"

_Relax, Rika_, she tried to console herself. _Shouting won't do you any good. Keep your head together. You'll surely get out of here in no time._

With that, she walked on deciding that going straight would be a good idea. She's bound to reach somewhere. But a couple of hours had already passed and she was still going straight in the woods. She was hungry and cold. To make matters worse, there seems to be a blizzard and the sun was already setting. She knew that it was dangerous to stay in the woods after dark. There were lots of wild animals and there was also hypothermia.

Rika snuggled inside her winter coat. It was thick enough to keep her warm during a short walk but was not thick enough to protect her from a blizzard. She stopped shivering when she heard some sort of a howl. It wasn't the wind, which means that it was a wolf. 

She held her breath waiting to hear another cry. Thankfully there was none. She sighed her relief and walked on. Minutes have passed before she heard another sound. _Footsteps_, she thought as she looked around. That's when she saw, what seemed like, a wild dog running towards her.

She got scared and acted on instinct. She ran away from the dog as fast as she could, occasionally turning back to see if she lost him. The last time she did this, she tripped over something and fell down to the ground, hitting her head on a log. The last thing she saw was the dog pouncing on her and looking at her with dark eyes.

After a while, she drifted back to consciousness because of some rocking motion. Thinking that she was already dead, eaten by the wolf, she opened here eyes hoping that she was in heaven. But she was not. A strange man was carrying her. She couldn't see what he looked like because he was covered with bulky winter clothes from head to foot. All she could see from his face was his nose and small slits of eyes.

At first glance the man looked scary. But for some reason she trusted this man. After she thought that she slowly became unconscious.

It must have been an hour before she woke up again. She felt so warm and cozy that's why she was reluctant to move a muscle. But then she remembered what happened to her. She got up with a start and was instantly rewarded with a sharp pain in her head. She raised her hand to her forehead and felt that there was some bandage plastered on it. She looked around and saw that she was in a bedroom of a cabin. It wasn't hers so it must be someone else's.

_That man!_ Rika remembered of being carried by some strange man. She slowly got out of the bed and quietly went out to look for him. The cabin was well kept. It was clean except for some crumpled papers littered on the floor. _He must be a writer_; she thought when she saw the typewriter.

She could smell the aroma of cooking food coming from the kitchen. She followed her nose and found herself looking at a man's back. It was the clothes after all that made him look scary. The man was slim yet muscular. And his hair was brown and slightly short. _He's quite good looking actually. And that's just his back_, she giggled.

She mentally shook her head. She sounded like a schoolgirl. "Ano...sumimasen," Rika said, wanting to get the man's attention.

He stopped stirring the pot and turned to look at her. "So you're awake," he said with a smile.

Rika couldn't believe her eyes. She stared at the handsome face of the man, unsure of what to say. Finally, she let out her breath and said, "Terada-sensei."

To be continued…

**bishlov's notes:** I got the idea of the name of Naoko's husband by combining characters from another anime (Rurouni Kenshin). Yashko is a reinvented name of Yahiko while Sagara is the last name of Sanosuke. I borrowed their names because I am not good with Japanese names. Bono, on the other, I got from the lead singer of U2. I love that name so I borrowed it too.


	2. Yoshiyuki Terada

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 2: Yoshiyuki Terada 

He looked outside his window as the blizzard raged the mountain. He estimated the storm would probably last a day or two judging from the dark sky plus some information from the battery operated radio.

He slowly stirred the casserole on his stove. It was a good thing that he chopped lots of firewood this morning. It would be a hell of a night if he didn't. The cabin may be made to maximize thermal insulation but it wouldn't stand a chance in this kind of a storm.

He heard his dog whimper in the corner of the kitchen. The howling wind always made Bono whimper.

"What's the matter, boy?" he said as he reached down to pat the dog's head. Bono is a Siberian husky---a really big, really hairy dog_._ "Where's all your courage gone to?"

~Flashback~

It was late in the afternoon. Yoshiyuki Terada was playing another basketball game, shooting his crumpled manuscript in the trashcan bin. _God! I hate this writer's block_, he sighed. He missed another shot and sighed again. _Great! Now I suck at basketball too._

He stood up to light up a lantern. He had shut off his power way before the blizzard started. He didn't want to short-circuit anything. Bono was whimpering again and he thought that it was going to be another long night. It was then that he noticed that his dog wasn't cowering in the corner like he usually does when the weather's bad.

"What's going on, boy?" He went to the dog who was standing on his hind legs while his forelegs were on the windowsill. He kept on whimpering while looking back and forth from him to the woods.

"Do you want to go outside?" Thinking that the dog wanted to do the call of nature thing, he opened the door to let him out. The cold wind rushed in the room so he quickly closed the door again. _I'll let him in after a minute_, he said to himself.

But as he glanced outside the window, he saw Bono just standing there in the middle of the snowstorm. He looked at him trying to understand what the dog was up to. Bono again looked at the woods then back at his master. And then he let out a creepy howl.

He sighed as he slipped on his snow boots. He grabbed his jacket, ski cap and muffler then went out of the cabin. He knows that Bono won't go in until he shows his master what's bothering him. As soon as he got out on the snow, Bono barked excitedly then ran into the woods.

"Hey, wait up!" He ran to catch up with the dog but a couple of minutes later he had lost him. He stopped and took a deep breath. And when he looked down he saw the footprints. He knelt down and touched the fresh prints on the snow. _So that's what Bono is running after_, he laughed. _And I thought it was just a rabbit._

He moved again, this time at a slower pace. He wasn't worried that Bono would hurt whoever it was. _Probably a child or a woman judging from the small print._

He walked faster when he noticed that the prints showed that the person was running. It was dangerous to run in the woods especially in a snowstorm like this. He could already hear Bono barking several feet away.

And then he saw her. Bono was sitting besides her, wagging his tail enthusiastically. She was lying motionless on the snow beside a log. He doesn't need to be a genius to guess what happened to her. He ran to her and knelt beside her. 

"Good boy!" He praised the dog as he pushed her body so she would lie on her back. He gasped in surprise. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her long brown hair framed her angelic face. Her cheeks were red from the cold. And her lips…

His thoughts stopped there when he noticed the deep gash on her forehead. A trickle of blood slid from the wound to her hairline. He muttered a curse (more for himself) then checked her pulse. After he was sure that she wasn't seriously injured he lifted her in his arms and headed back to the cabin.

"Come on, Bono. Let's go home."

As they walked back to his cabin, he hoisted the woman up in his arms several times. It wasn't that she was heavy because she wasn't. His thick winter coat prevented him from keeping a good hold on her. She kept on sliding down his arms.

Every once in a while he would look at her beautiful face. The last time he did so, her eyes were open and were looking at his face. He saw her deep brown eyes and suddenly all he wanted to do was stare at them. Her eyes were shiny and so trusting. His heart ached in reaction.

By the time they arrived the cabin, he was having trouble breathing although it wasn't from physical exertion. He laid her down on his bed and started to remove her boots and coat leaving her socks and sweater on. He also wanted to take off her damp pants but he shied away from the idea. _It's not that wet anyway_, he thought as he covered her shivering body with his blanket and quilt.

He then went to the bathroom and took the first aid kit and a basinet full of water. He placed them on the bedside table then went to his drawers to find a small cloth or towel so he could clean her wound.

_Thank God the cut on her forehead wasn't that deep_, he sighed after he cleaned the blood out. He treated it and covered it with a bandage.

He leaned back on the chair and stared at her sleeping form for a while. She was young, probably in her early to mid twenties. He couldn't take his eyes away from her. The lantern was glowing its light on her soft skin making her look ethereal.

Yoshiyuki shook his head. He'd been stuck in this cabin for too long. His mind was playing tricks on him. He stood up to rummage her coat and a minute later he found her wallet in the pocket of the inner lining.

"Let's see who you are," he said as he opened it. He took out her driver's license and was surprised at what he saw.

"Sasaki-chan?" He looked back at the woman then at the picture on the license. _Yup, it's the same woman_, he thought after comparing the picture to the real person. _But this can't be the Rika Sasaki that I know._

His mind immediately went back to the time when he was a grade school teacher. He remembered the sweet little girl who was always giving him little presents like cakes and even a teddy bear.

_How long has it been now_, he wondered. _Twelve years…maybe more. God! How time flies. The years had certainly been good to her._

He looked at her again and admired her beauty. He laughed at himself as he remembered his romantic thoughts about her a few minutes ago. _Well, that's that. I can't have any romantic inclinations with a student of mine._

But still his heart ached.

~End of Flashback~

"Stop making that noise already," he said to his dog as he snapped back to reality. "You might wake her up."

He turned back to his cooking and forced himself to stop thinking about Sasaki-chan. But luck wasn't on his side because a minute later he felt her staring at his back.

"Ano...sumimasen," she said.

Yoshiyuki had to smile. _She may look different but she's still as polite as ever_, he thought. He turned towards her and smiled as he saw that she recognized him. 

"So you're awake," he grimaced inwardly as he realized how stupid that sounded. _That's a suave one! Of all the things you could say to her you just have to state the obvious._

"Hai," she said as she snapped out of her shock. She then saw the large dog that was after her before she hit the log. She involuntarily took a step backward. It wasn't that she was scared of dogs. She was still confused on what had happened and was remembering her fright of being lost.

"Don't worry about Bono. He won't hurt you," Terada-san said. "Actually, he was the one who found you. If it wasn't for him you might still be lost in that blizzard."

He suddenly frowned as soon as the thought formed. What if he didn't let Bono out least of all followed him. Sasaki-chan could have…He mentally shook his head before he could think of anything else. He had actually felt a scary chill when he said those words.

He heard Sasaki-chan sigh in relief before sitting on the floor. Her knees must have given out on her. Her head was bent down. Yoshiyuki didn't know what to do so he just watched her small figure.

Fortunately Bono went up to her and started to lick her face. It was probably his attempt to cheer the woman up. And it worked. Sasaki-chan lifted her face and started laughing. Yoshiyuki could only stare at her uplifted face.

"Arigatou, Bono," she said as she hugged the dog on his neck. Then she turned her face to Yoshiyuki and said, "Arigatou, Terada-sensei."

Her eyes were shiny from unshed tears and relief and her smile was equally bright. Yoshiyuki felt his breath stuck in his throat. He cleared his throat twice before he could trust himself to speak again.

"Why don't you go and rest in the living room? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." He watched her stand up and looks outside the nearest window.

"Demo," he heard her say but interrupted her gently.

"The blizzard will probably last for a day. Two at most. So you're stuck here with me and Bono for a while."

He watched the play of emotions on her face before she sighed. "Gomen nasai," she bowed at him in apology. "I don't want to be a bother."

He walked around the kitchen counter so he could stand in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulder. "You're not bothering us. In fact, I'm sure Bono's glad that you're here. He's trifle bored with just having me as company."

She looked at him in question so he added, "I'm also glad that you're here. It's been a while since I had a real person to talk to. I'm getting tired of having a one-sided conversation with a dog."

At that she giggled. "Can I help you with anything?"

"You could distract Bono for a while so I could finish cooking without him begging for scraps."

"Done," she said before going to the other room while calling out the dog's name. He watched her hips gently sway as she glided across the room.

Yoshiyuki sighed as he raised his hand to rub his nape. This is definitely going to be a long night.

To be continued…


	3. Rika

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 3: Rika

Rika was glad to get out of the kitchen. Seeing Terada-sensei was such a shock. It's been years since she last saw him. He didn't change that much although he looked more muscular and rugged.

_And much more handsome_, she thought gasping afterwards and mentally shaking her head. _What are you thinking, Rika Sasaki? You're no longer a schoolgirl. You've been over that crush on him ever since you've graduated from grade school._

After reprimanding herself, she blamed everything to the shock of finding herself lost in the woods. And that she was lightheaded because she banged her head on a log.

"Well, Bono," she said to the dog who was now lying on the couch, "it looks like you don't need me to entertain you. Do you think your master would mind if I take a look around?"

The dog just grunted and then closed his eyes to sleep. Rika scratched behind his ears and went to the bookshelves across the room. There were lots of books, most of which were about the history, myths and legends of Japan. She never knew that he was interested in such stuff.

_Maybe it was an interest he had developed over the past years._

She touched some of the books as she browsed over their titles. It was then that she noticed his collection of Tokiya Matsuda novels. He was Rika's favorite author. His novels vary from historical romances to thrillers and suspense to inspirational dramas. Tokiya Matsuda was praised locally and internationally for being a great, versatile writer.

She leaned over to inspect his collection. Terada-sensei had every one of Matsuda's novels and they were all hardbound. _Looks like he's also a great fan of Matsuda. That's one thing we have in common_, she thought.

_Not that I care_, she quickly said to herself. It's just that this would be one good topic for a conversation. After all, they are stuck together until the storm blows over.

After browsing at the bookshelves, she looked around the room. It was cozy and clean although the floor was littered with crumpled papers. Being the perfectionist that she was, she wanted to clean them up. But she knows better than to mess around with somebody else's things even though they were trash.

She smiled as she remembered her co-workers at her restaurant. They were always extremely careful not to touch her knives. They knew that she would go ballistic if they so much look at those knives. They were priceless to her because her father had saved for a long time to buy her those for her graduation.

After blindingly staring at a painting hanging on the wall, she walked over to the fireplace. On the mantle were several pictures of Terada-sensei. Some were solo shots but most were with family and friends.

One photo frame caught her eye. The picture in it was of Terada-sensei and a woman. He had his arm around her shoulder. They were both smiling brightly.

She gasped involuntarily. It never occurred to her that he might be married. _Iie_, she thought again, _if he had a wife wouldn't she be here with him? She must be his girlfriend._

She sighed as she sat on the floor a few feet from the fire. Bono heard this and lifted his head. A second later he went to Rika and laid his head on her lap. Rika absently stroked his fur.

"What's wrong with me, Bono? Everybody seemed to have found somebody to love except me. Am I destined to live my life alone?"

As though sensing her sadness, Bono quickly got up and pushed Rika down with his forelegs. She was caught by surprise so she easily fell to the floor under the dog's weight. She started laughing when he licked her face. And when she hid her face under her hands, the dog started sniffing her neck.

"Yamete! That tickles Bono!"

She uncovered her face when she felt Bono's nose leave the sensitive area behind her ear. She felt her heart stop beating when she saw Terada-sensei kneeling beside her and smilingly looking down at her. Her flushed face turned a shade deeper.

"Bono seems to like you very much. He usually stays aloof to strangers," he said.

"Hai." Rika replied breathlessly. She could feel her heart beat now. Unfortunately it was beating hard and fast. Terada-sensei was leaning towards her body at a distance too close for comfort.

"Come on. Dinner's ready." He held out his hand so he could help her up. Rika slowly and tentatively took it. And as soon as her fingers touched his, she felt electricity run down her spine, making her gasp inwardly.

She quickly looked at him to see if he noticed her jump at his touch. But aside from the quick flicker in his eyes, his face showed nothing. _Must be the flames reflecting in his eyes_, she thought as she stood up.

"The bathroom is the adjoining room to the bedroom. You can wash your hands and face there," he said as he handed her the gas lantern.

Rika went to the bathroom and closed the door with a soft click. She leaned her head on the wood and took several deep breaths. It took a while before she could calm down.

_What's wrong with me? It's not as if I haven't been touched by a man before._

She turned the faucet on and splashed the ice-cold water on her hot face. When it didn't work, she bundled her hair and held it back so she could place her face directly under the flow of water, careful not to wet the bandage on her forehead.

Minutes later she went out of the bathroom feeling clean and composed. As soon as she set foot on the kitchen, she felt her composure go down the drain.

The whole room was illuminated by lots of candles with varying size and color. Its heavy scent mixed with the delicious aroma of food. The whole scene was so romantic. It was a crying shame it was wasted on an uninvolved couple.

"I hope you don't mind all the candles," Terada-senseisaid as he placed the casserole on the table. "I try not to use electricity when there's a storm. Here, have a seat."

He pulled the chair away from the table and waited for her to sit down so he could adjust its distance from the table. _He'd make a great waiter_, she tried to put humor to her now going wild imagination.

"Do you drink wine?" Terada-sensei interrupted her thoughts. "I don't have anything else to drink. It's either that or water."

"Wine will be fine," Rika replied as she leaned on her chair to see what he was doing. "Ano…can I help you with anything?"

"You still haven't change, have you? You're still the ever-so-helpful Rika Sasaki," he laughed good-humouredly. He came back to the table and poured some red wine in her glass. "Tell you what, you can help with the dishes later on. I'll wash while you dry."

"That doesn't seem fair. I mean, I am intruding your privacy. The least I can do is help out," she said.

"For the last time," he replied as he dished the casserole in her plate, "you're no bother. And if you keep on insisting that you are, I won't let you dry the dishes."

Rika laughed at his lame threat. For a minute there she thought that he was exasperated at her. She did as he said and stopped insisting not because she was afraid of his so-called threat. She didn't want him to think she was troublesome.

"Now eat your food before it gets cold." He took a sip of his wine and watched her from across the candlelit table. "How is it?"

"It's delicious. You're a good cook," she said. She wasn't just saying that to be polite. Nor did she imagine it to be delicious because she hadn't had anything to eat the whole day. The casserole really was delicious.

"Arigatou. I rarely get a chance to show off my culinary excellence since the only mouths I feed are mine and Bono's," he joked and she smiled back.

"So tell me," Terada-sensei spoke up after a few minutes of comfortable silence passed, "how did you end up lost in that blizzard?"

"I was out for a walk. I didn't realize that I veered off the path and when I did the snow had already covered my tracks. I don't know how long and far I've walked blindly in that blizzard." Rika involuntarily shivered when she remembered how lost and scared she felt.

Terada-sensei saw this and tried to divert her attention from unpleasant thoughts. "Where are you staying?"

"My family has a cabin near the Mountain Lodge. I'm staying there for a week." Rika saw surprise register on his face but didn't speak up. Instead, he changed the subject yet again.

"What have you been doing in all these years we haven't seen each other?"

"The usual," she shrugged, "went to high school…graduated…went to culinary school…graduated. Now I work as a chef in a restaurant in Tomoeda." She unconsciously left out about the part about being the most sought after chef and that the restaurant she worked for was hers. She never was one to brag about anything.

"A chef! Now that's a coincidence. Maybe I should have let you cook tonight's dinner."

"It wouldn't matter. I meant it when I said your casserole was delicious. I'm not being patronizing."

The rest of the meal was delightful. They talked about the old days. Actually, it was Rika who did all the talking while he did the asking. She told him all about Sakura and the others, their marriages and children. And by the time they finished feeding Bono and washing the dishes, her throat started to ache.

"Wow. Is that the time," she exclaimed as she glanced at the wall clock. "No wonder my throat hurts. I've been talking for three hours straight. Gomen. You must be bored from all of my blabbering."

"Not at all. I've enjoyed every minute of it. It's nice to see you've changed a bit. You used to be so shy and quiet."

Rika blushed. He was wrong to say that she wasn't shy anymore. She still is. She just blabbered the night away in order to hide her nervousness. Every time he looked and smiled at her, her heart stops beating to the point that she thought she was going to pass out.

"You must be really tired," Terada-sensei said as he walked out of the kitchen to the bedroom. "Let's find you something to wear for the night."

She wordlessly followed him. It had just occurred to her that spending the night there meant sleeping under one roof with him. She worried what the sleeping arrangements will be.

"Here," he handed her a shirt and shorts after rummaging through his drawers. "These are the smallest I have."

"Ano," she said as she held the shorts upright against her waist. However small it was for him it was still huge for her.

"That won't do," he laughed slightly breathlessly. "I guess I could give you a larger shirt so you could use it as a nightdress." He rummaged again discarding several shirts one at a time. Finally he gave her a black t-shirt and a pair of wooly socks. "Will those be okay? I have an extra toothbrush in the sink drawer, feel free to use it."

"H-hai. Arigatou," she said with a blush before going in the bathroom to change.

She leaned with her back against the door and clutched the clothes to her chest. It was embarrassing because some of the shirts that he looked at were thin and slightly translucent. It was a good thing he was too gentlemanly to give them to her even though they were larger than the black shirt.

The shirt was about the right length. The edge of the shirt ended slightly above her knees while the sleeves ran past her elbows. Feeling apprehensive to go out yet even though she had finished changing and brushing her teeth, she borrowed his comb and slowly dragged it through her hair. She felt a little exposed because she was not wearing any shorts or pants. It was not a problem if she was in the privacy of her own home. She felt shy because she never slept in the same house with any man other than her father before.

As she combed her hair she can't help but think about the sleeping arrangements again. She was sure that he would insist on her sleeping in the bedroom while he slept on the couch in the living room. She didn't want that though. Much as he objected, she still feels like she was intruding.

She sighed as she put the comb down. Her hair was already shiny and her scalp tingly from too much combing. She had stalled enough. She placed her folded clothes on the chair in the bedroom then went out to look for Terada-sensei. She found him laying a couple of futon on the rug in front of the fireplace.

_I guess I don't need to argue with him after all_, she laughed at herself as she blushed at the thought of sleeping beside him. Well, technically not beside him because there was at least three feet distance between the sleeping bags.

"I hope you don't mind sleeping here on the floor," he said when he noticed her standing outside the bedroom door. "The living room will be the only warm place to sleep in since the heat won't reach the bedroom especially as the night deepens."

"Iie. The floor will be fine."

"Get some rest then," he smiled at her before passing by her side to enter the bedroom.

Rika quickly went under the quilt he laid out for her just in case he came back out again. She didn't want him to see the awkward task of lying down while making sure the shirt didn't ride up.

Minutes later as she was starting to feel drowsy she heard the shower running. _Now why would he take a shower on a cold night like this?_ She thought before falling asleep.

To be continued…


	4. Yoshiyuki

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 4: Yoshiyuki

Yoshiyuki welcomed the ice-cold water like a long lost brother. He didn't mind that the stinging water was making him shiver madly. He needed to get his mind off that distraction that was now sleeping in his living room.

The cold water did successfully banish the heat that he felt in his body but it didn't wash away his thoughts about Sasaki-chan. That was no good since every time he thought about that woman his body temperature seems to rise. He sighed as he placed his hands on the tiled wall in front of him and leaned over to duck his head under the water.

There's no denying it. He was attracted to her. All throughout dinner all he could think about was how beautiful she looked with the light from the candles flickering against her face. Could think nothing but how beautiful she looked every time her eyes light up when she's telling him an amusing story about her friends.

And her voice…

Her voice was like a soft, melodious tune capable of putting an irksome baby to sleep. He didn't tire of hearing that voice even though it was starting to get hoarse from exhaustion. But he didn't stop her from speaking; it was like he was addicted to her voice. Even her laugh could make his heart stop beating from some sort of anticipation.

And when he saw her just a few minutes ago wearing his favorite shirt, it took all of his effort to not gape at her. She looked so sexy even though she was just wearing an old shirt.

But that made the difference for him. She was wearing _his_ shirt. Her skin rosy white against the black cloth and her shiny, dark hair falling over her shoulders. She looked so sweet and innocent.

That had brought him back to reality.

_Jeez! What were you thinking? You're a decade older than her_, he thought almost angrily. He didn't know what made him angry…that he was attracted to her or that he was too old for her.

He got out of the shower and briskly toweled himself dry before wrapping the towel around his waist. He braced his upper body over the sink with his hands and leaned towards the mirror on the wall.

You're just acting this way because you've been stuck in this cabin for such a long time now. Everything will pass as soon as she leaves when the weather clears.

After that pep talk, he picked up his comb and rapidly combed his wet hair. He tried to ignore the strawberry scent of Sasaki-chan's hair stuck on his comb. He then went out to get dressed.

He had forgotten to close the bedroom door. He could see her sleeping form on the living room floor. She was lying on her side facing the bedroom and could see how peaceful she looked. He softly closed the door as he felt his heart tighten in his chest again.

It took him several minutes before he could go out to the living room again. He forced himself to go directly to his futon without looking at her. He laid down under his quilt and pushed his hands under his head. He tried to focus on the flickering shadows of the fire on the ceiling but his attention was still on the slow rhythmic breathing of the girl beside him.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Sasaki-chan turn over so she was facing him instead of the bedroom. Like metal to magnet, his face turned to her direction and stared at her angelic face.

He noticed that the bandage on her forehead had gotten loose on one end and was hanging down. He got up and kneeled beside her to take a closer look at her wound. It looked dry enough and doesn't need a bandage to cover it. He reached out to gently pull it away from her skin.

After a minute of gazing, he gave in to the temptation and touched the area around her wound with his fingers. Then his fingers went down her cheek in a feathery caress. He stopped when a soft sigh escaped her lips. She moved a bit making the quilt fall off her shoulder towards her waist.

Yoshiyuki held the edge of the quilt and placed it back over her shoulder. _This girl really needs someone to take care of her._

_Want to apply for the job_, his subconscious told him.

_Yeah right_, he sarcastically answered back_. Like she's going to be interested in an old guy like me. A beautiful woman like her must have several young suitors._

He went back to his futon and threw the balled bandage to the trashcan. This time it went in. Feeling good at sinking that shot in, he laid down on his side because he wanted Sasaki-chan's face to be the last image he'll see before falling asleep.

And he slept with a smile on his face.

~Morning came~

Yoshiyuki woke up with a start. He was having the most wonderful dream but he never got to see how it ended because Bono kept on licking his face.

"Cut it out, boy!" The dog barked once and then ran towards the kitchen.

Yoshiyuki worried that Bono would wake up Sasaki-chan. He glanced to his side and saw that he was worried about nothing. Her futon was already rolled up with her pillow and folded quilt on top of it. And from the delicious smell permeating the air, he knew that she was in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

He glanced at his wristwatch before laying the back of his hand on his forehead. He had overslept for the first time in years. And it wasn't because of the cold weather.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember his dream but try as he might it had already hid in the deep recesses of his brain. There are two things he's sure though. That it was a happy dream and that Sasaki-chan was in it.

He can't even stop thinking about her when asleep. He had been attracted to other women before but not one of them plagued his thoughts day and night like she did. Perhaps he was more attracted to her than he's willing to admit.

The question was…what's he going to do about it?

The age gap still stands. But the more he thought about it, the more he believed that ten years weren't such a big gap. After all, both of them are adults now.

But still it feels weird for him to be attracted to a former student of his. Correction. A former _grade school_ student of his. Does this mean he's a cradle snatcher of some sort?

No, it doesn't because he hadn't snatched her yet. And maybe it won't come to that. Maybe she already has a boyfriend. Sasaki-chan had told lots of stories last night but she never told him if she was in a relationship right now. She never was a person who talked about herself.

He knew that he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her unless he knew for sure. He had to think of a subtle way to ask her.

_One thing's for sure though_, he said to himself as he stood up, _you wouldn't get any answers if you stayed here all day. _He tidied his futon, pillow and quilt and placed them beside hers.

He walked in the kitchen a while later and leaned against the wall as he watched her hum while preparing their breakfast.

Her hair was pulled from her face and tied with a piece of rubber band. She was still wearing his shirt in addition to her jeans. She folded the sleeves up so it wouldn't hinder her movements. The edge of the shirt was knotted around her waist showing him patches of skin as she moved.

He got a better view when she reached up to open a cupboard. The shirt hitched up showing a great expanse of her flat stomach. He sucked his breath in surprise before quickly looking away.

When he dazedly looked back at her, she was reaching for something in the cupboard. He sighed. Much as he regrets to not see her creamy skin, he knew that he had to stop the show for his own sanity.

"Do you need any help with that?" Yoshiyuki asked, not bothering to hide his amusement to his logical thinking.

"No. I almost have it." She tiptoed and reached inside, not realizing that the shirt had hitched further up. "Got it!"

Yoshiyuki smiled back at the beaming woman. Her face was flushed from exertion as she clutched a box against her chest. _So that's what my sanity is worth…all of that for a box of pancake mix_, he laughed at himself.

"Can I help you with that?" He asked as he walked towards her.

"Iie. I'm more than capable enough to make pancakes," she replied as she beat the eggs in the bowl. "Besides, you wouldn't let me help last night."

"It's payback time, huh?"

"Exactly!"

So he just sat on a stool besides the counter and silently watched her make pancakes and omelet. He had to admit she moved fast as well as competently. She probably could have cooked breakfast with her eyes closed.

She must have felt conscious of him because after a while she laughingly spoke up. "Okay, okay. You win. Go set the table."

"Your wish is my command." Yoshiyuki grandly waved an arm and bowed. He winked at her then ducked when she threw a potholder at him.

He whistled as he laid out the plates on the table. He hadn't felt this good for a long time now and he knew it was because of Sasaki-chan_._

Few minutes later they were both seated at the table, ready to eat breakfast.

"Mmm. Delicious," he said.

"Oh, come on. That's just coffee," she laughed although she blushed at the compliment.

"Ah, but coffee is an important component to start a wonderful day. I can't imagine breakfast without a cup of delicious coffee." He inhaled deeply, taking in the aroma of the coffee to further prove his point.

He looked at her and saw her eyes twinkle with amusement. She took a sip of her coffee. His eyes were drawn to the movement and settled on her soft lips.

He mentally shook his head before any unwanted thoughts form in his head. He picked up his fork and attacked his food with zest, training his eyes solely on the plate.

"Ano…" Sasaki-chan uttered after a few minutes of silence. "Would you mind if I ask what you did, you know…after we graduated?"

He looked up at that. She was looking down at her plate as though she was trying to avoid his eyes. He found her sudden shyness endearing. He had rarely seen such quality in the women he used to date.

"No, I don't mind," he replied as he leaned back on his chair with his mug in both hands. "Let's see…well, in a nutshell I stayed on at the school for a couple of years then I resigned so I could fulfill my lifelong dream."

"What was your lifelong dream and have you fulfilled it yet?"

"My dream was to become a great novelist," he said, taking another bite of his pancake and deliberately ignored the other question.

"Really?" Sasaki-chan did notice this but didn't press on. "What kind of stories do you write?"

"Oh, a little bit of this…a little bit of that," he shrugged. It was kind of the truth. He wasn't being difficult, at least not that much.

Sasaki-chan sighed. It was like pulling on an aching tooth. But her eyes gleamed with mischief and determination. If there's one thing she can't resist, it's a challenge. She'll get the truth out of him, one way or another.

"How many books have you written over the last decade?"

"Five. I'm working on my sixth."

"Five! That's great," she exclaimed. "You must have copies of those books around here. Perhaps I could read them."

"All five of them? Well, if you're sure you won't fall asleep on them you'll find them on the bookshelf in the living room."

She thought about what he said. She had already seen the books there and the only novels among them were of Tokiya Matsuda. She gasped as it had suddenly hit her.

"_You're_ Tokiya Matsuda?" she asked indignantly. "You're kidding me right?"

Yoshiyuki looked at her steadily although his mouth was cracking a smile. He loved the way she reacted but he didn't want her to think that he was lying to her. He had actually never told anyone what his pen name was. The only people who knew were his publisher and his family.

"I can't believe this," she shook her head in a mixture of delight and disbelief. "You're really him. Oh my god! I love your books!"

She blushed after she said that. She was embarrassed because she thought she acted like some crazed groupie.

"Really? You're not just saying that, are you?" For some reason, her approval was important to him.

"Iie. I really do. I have all of your books and I've already read each one of them at least three times over."

"All five of them?" he joked. He felt lightheaded from her compliments.

"Hai. Demo…how come you've used a pseudonym? And why Tokiya Matsuda?"

"Because I didn't want the publicity. I just wanted to write. And I used Tokiya Matsuda because that's the first name that popped in my head at the time."

"Well, if you ask me I think Yoshiyuki Terada is a much more beautiful name than Tokiya Matsuda." Realizing that she said too much, she bowed her reddening face.

Yoshiyuki felt his heart leap when he heard her say his name. He had heard his name spoken by many people but with Sasaki-chan it sounded different. Clichéd as it may sound, it was like music to his ears.

"Sasaki-chan," he suddenly said, "can I ask you something?"

She nodded in response.

"May I call you Rika?"

He saw her eyes widen with surprise and then she smiled a bright smile. "Only if I can call you Yoshiyuki."

He let out his breath that he was unconsciously holding and grinned back. "It's a deal then. From now on, I'll call you Rika."

"And I'll call you Yoshiyuki."

_Yup. It sounds so right_, he thought with immense satisfaction.

To be continued…

**bishlov's notes:**  In actuality, Terada is 14 or 15 years older than the CCS gang.  I decided to make it 10 to lessen the age gap.  Don't flame me for it.  And I got the name Tokiya from FoR and Matsuda's a tribute to my half-Japanese friend.


	5. Rika

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 5: Rika

The hours had passed more quickly than Rika had anticipated and wanted. After breakfast, they spent the rest of the morning in a companionable silence.

Yoshi-kun _(AN: I'm gonna use this nickname from now on because Yoshiyuki is too long)_ was busy working on his new book so she didn't want to bother him. She curled up in front of the fireplace with Yoshi-kun's first book in her hands and Bono at her side to keep her company. Once in a while she would gaze at Yoshi-kun's figure across the room, thinking how cute he looked when his brows are drawn together in concentration as he wrote furiously in his notebook.

Rika thought about how weird his writing habits were. He told her that he usually writes down the first draft on his notebook then he types it using his typewriter. His final drafts, however, were made using his laptop. When she pointed out that he could have used the computer in the first place to save him all the trouble and paper, he laughed sheepishly and grinned at her making her heart go berserk.

_Different mediums give me different ideas_, he explained. _It may look odd and hard but that's how I work._

She looked back at him for the nth time and smiled when she saw him rubbing the eraser on the whole page. A soft giggle escaped her lips at the absurdity of his actions.

Yoshi-kun must have heard this because he looked up from what he's doing and turned to look at her. Rika quickly buried her face in the book because she didn't want him to know that she was spying on him.

She felt his gaze on her so she hid her face deeper. It was then she noticed that she held the book upside down in her haste. _Baka_, she reprimanded herself, _you're such an idiot. He must be laughing at you now._

She lowered the book a bit so she could see if he's still looking. He wasn't. Nor was he laughing either so he must not have noticed her stupidity either. She let out a sigh of relief.

Rika glanced at the grandfather clock standing on one corner of the living room. It was time to cook their lunch so she placed down the book on the couch and went to the kitchen.

She decided to make a simple yet delicious recipe. Yoshi-kun did not bother her like he did when she was preparing breakfast. In fact, she even had a hard time persuading him to eat lunch.

When he did join her at the table, he still had his pencil and notebook and wrote as they ate lunch. Afterwards, he mumbled his request that Rika wash the dishes and that he'll make it up to her later. With that, he walked back to his desk and wrote the afternoon away.

Rika sighed wistfully as she scrubbed the pan she used. She was a bit disappointed on what just happened but couldn't complain. After all, she was intruding in his life.

She knew that she shouldn't be hurt with his sudden brush-off. All writers are like that when working. She should be lucky because he didn't act irritated when she interrupted him in the middle of his creative zone.

Looking around the spotless kitchen, she knew that she has no other choice but to go back to the living room. She shouldn't be hurt but she was. _Just a little bit_, she told herself firmly. She sighed again before leaving the room.

Rika's disappointment disappeared slowly as she sat on the couch and watched Yoshi-kun work.  _Iie, it wasn't personal. Besides, why should you be bothered by it? You're leaving as soon as the storm blows over, aren't you? He's gonna stay here while you go back to your pathetic, miserable life._

Yes, the disappointment was gone. And in its place was sadness.

She had forgotten what drove her to this mountain in the first place. She had forgotten about her depression.

She mentally shook her head in order to push the thought away. She will worry about her problems when she leaves. But now she will try to forget about them and enjoy the company of a new friend.

She glanced at Yoshi-kun and smiled. _He may not be a good company right now but he was one last night and early this morning. And if he doesn't come through tonight, I still have Bono_, she laughed inwardly as she scratched the dog behind his ears.

So she curled up on the couch and re-read Yoshi-kun's books. She fell asleep on the third one.

When she woke up, she was laying on her back, her head on a pillow and her body covered by a quilt. The book that she was reading was laid on top of the coffee table. She sat up and glanced at the desk across the room and saw that Yoshi-kun wasn't there anymore.

The grandfather clock chimed at that moment. It was seven o' clock. She has to prepare dinner so she quickly stood up, almost toppling over when she had a sudden dizzy bout.

Rika just stood there as though in a trance. She could feel her whole body being swept with overwhelming sorrow. She gasped as pain clutched her heart in a tightening grasp.

This was the effect of her depression. She had been taking anti-depressant pills for a week and a half and her body was now reacting because she hadn't taken those pills for almost two days now.

She staggered across the room, leaning forward to touch her suddenly hot and clammy forehead on the cold window glass. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and did it again and again, almost hyperventilating. When she let out her last deep breath, the hair on her nape stood up.

Her grip on the windowsill tightened as she waited for Yoshi-kun to speak up.

"Rika-chan," he said in a worried tone. He walked up to her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

She tried hard not to flinch from his touch. She wasn't disgusted at his touch. It was more like she was disgusted with herself. She didn't want him to know what she was going through.

She took a quiet deep breath and pasted on a lame smile on her face before slowly turning to face him.

"Daijoubu. I just got dizzy a little while ago. I'm not used to falling asleep in the afternoon," she let out a pathetic laugh that sounded so fake even to her ears.

_Please don't ask anymore questions_, she thought. _Please…_

She saw him give her a doubtful look. He was about to open his mouth to protest but she saw it coming.

"I'm fine. Really I am," she quickly interrupted, summoning all her energy to make her smile look realistic.

He looked at her for a whole minute before sighing in resignation. "Okay, if you say so. Come on. Dinner's almost ready."

"I'll be right there. I'm just going to wash up."

He nodded before walking away. Halfway across the room, he looked back at her with a dubious look.

As soon as he disappeared into the kitchen, she let out a sigh of relief. She looked out of the window and stared at the star filled sky.

The blizzard was over.

But her inner turmoil was still raging.

Rika forced herself to move towards the bathroom. _Perhaps a cold shower would wash away the sadness_, she thought glumly as she picked up a gas lamp on Yoshi-kun's desk.

When she entered the bedroom, she immediately saw the pile of clothes on top of his bed. They were all women's clothing, a bit large but would still fit her. She wondered for a second where he got them before shrugging away the slight twinge of jealousy that she felt. She selected a loose blue jogging pants and gray sweatshirt.

She didn't mind the stinging water. Standing under the freezing downpour, she could actually feel her body relaxing despite the shivers. She scrubbed herself vigorously to keep her body slightly warm. It was only when her teeth were chattering furiously that she rinsed herself.

She rubbed her body with a thick towel for about five minutes. Feeling reasonably warm, she wrapped her body with the towel and washed her underwear.

_(AN: *sweatdrop* Well, she's been wearing it for two days now. I had to do something about it.)_

With that task done, she poised to put on the borrowed clothes. It was just then that she noticed her reflection on the bathroom mirror. Her skin was slightly red from vigorous rubbing but she could still see that her healthy glow was starting to disappear. She could see the stress dulling the shimmer of her eyes.

_I don't want Yoshi-kun to be worried about me. I have to act normal_, she thought.

Rika practiced smiling, failing miserably at her first couple of tries. After a while, her cheeks started to feel numb from the cold and from practicing. She made a face then giggled at the image that she projected. Feeling her heart lightening up, she made several more outrageous faces and snorted in laughter afterwards.

"Rika-chan," Yoshi-kun knocked on the bathroom door, "are you all right? You've been in there for quite a long time now."

"Um, yeah. I'll be out in a minute," she yelled through the door, blushing furiously. She wrapped the towel around her more closely, feeling conscious as though he could see her state of nakedness.

"Okay. Hurry up though. The food is getting cold."

"Hai!" She quickly dressed up and combed her wet hair. She slowly opened the door, peeking outside to see if Yoshi-kun was around.

He wasn't so she quickly dragged the chair in the bedroom against the wall and hanged her underwear on its arm. She placed her folded pants and Yoshi-kun's shirt with her own shirt then draped her jacket over the chair so the underwear was hidden from view.

Rika sighed when the task was done then marched to the kitchen.

The room was filled with candles again. She thought it odd because the storm's over and it was no longer dangerous to turn the power on.

As though reading her mind, Yoshi-kun smiled apologetically. "I hope you don't mind going without electricity for one more night. I want to check if the power lines weren't damaged during the blizzard but I can't do that right now because it's too dark outside."

She returned his smile and sat down at the table.

"I'm sorry that you had to take such a cold shower," he continued as he too sat down. "I see that my sister's clothes fit you. They're a bit big but not as big as mine."

"You're sister?"

"Yeah. My youngest sister. There's a picture of the two of us above the fireplace. She used to come up here to keep me company but then she got married. I forgot all about those clothes that she left behind up until this afternoon."

_So she's his sister._ Rika could feel her heart leap in reaction before taking a nosedive again. _Demo surely a man as gorgeous as him would have a girlfriend tucked away somewhere._

_Baka! What would it matter to you if there's none? He wouldn't be interested in you. He's just trying to be nice just like when you were a naïve schoolgirl._

"Ano…is something the matter?"

Rika quickly snapped out of her brief argument with herself. "Iya," she said blushingly.

The rest of the meal was pleasant. She sensed that Yoshi-kun was keeping the conversation lively for her sake. He was still worried about her although he doesn't know what was bothering Rika-chan.

They talked about their families, who they were and what they did now. Who's their favorite sibling and who's the most annoying one.

They laughed at the mischievous stuff that Yoshi-kun did as a boy. He teased her because she couldn't tell a single story about her childhood antics. She just shrugged and grinned sheepishly because there was none to tell. She was very obedient and meek as a child.

The only silliest thing she ever did was having that impossible crush on him when she was his student. Of course, she didn't say that to him. Not now and maybe not ever.

In no time at all they finished dinner, fed Bono and washed the dishes. It was time to go to bed again.

Lying on her back and staring at the ceiling, Rika felt a different kind of sadness. Sadness that was not related to her depression.

She was sad because tomorrow she'd be leaving this cabin and its owner. She had to admit that the couple of days that she stayed with him were the happiest she had in a long, long while.

She turned her head to the side and looked at Yoshi-kun. He too had been staring at the ceiling.

"Yoshi-kun," she whispered. She gazed deeply into his eyes before speaking up again. "Arigatou."

"For what?" He said in an equally quiet voice.

"For saving me. For taking care of me." _And for giving me my sanity back even if it was just for two days_, she silently added to herself.

He turned on his side and reached over to touch her. He gently brushed away a lock of her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"You're welcome," he smiled gently at her. "Now go to sleep. Tomorrow I'll drive you back to your cabin.

She smiled her gratitude then also turned on her side, facing Yoshi-kun. She snuggled underneath her quilt and fell asleep almost immediately.

Yoshi-kun gazed at her sleeping figure for a while then went back on his back to stare glumly at the ceiling.

To be continued…


	6. Yoshiyuki

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 6: Yoshiyuki

He woke up in the middle of the night when he heard Rika-chan shout. He jolted up into a sitting position and quickly looked to his side.

Rika-chan was having a nightmare.

She had kicked her quilt off her and her hands were clenching the futon. Her head was moving from side to side with a look of anguish pasted on her face. It was as if she was being tortured by her dream.

"No…please don't…onegai, don't leave me…atashi…atashi…" she kept saying again and again.

Yoshiyuki felt his heart lurch with compassion. Whatever she was dreaming was a sad and unpleasant one. He quickly knelt beside her and laid his hands on the sides of her face, brushing her tears away with his thumbs.

As soon as he did that, Rika-chan's cries halted. She was no longer thrashing around and her hands were unclenched and relaxed.

He smoothed her hair from her face and the frown on her forehead. But as soon as his hands left her face, her frown came back again.

"Iya. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone," he heard her whisper. She wasn't yelling it out like earlier but still he could hear the desperation in her voice.

"Ssshh, Rika-chan. Don't worry. I'm right here. I won't leave you," he consoled the sleeping woman. His voice, however soothing he made it be, did not comfort her. He saw that her hands were clenched into fists again.

Without second thoughts, he quickly grabbed the hand nearest him and unclenched it, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"Hush now. I won't let go."

Instantly, she relaxed. A soft sigh escaped her lips and a serene look overcoming her face.

Yoshiyuki regarded her with troubled eyes, unconsciously rubbing his thumb against her hand. He had noticed the change in her attitude since early that evening. She tried to hide it behind her smiles and laughter, but her eyes showed him part of the truth.

He saw her sorrow.

And just now he saw her pain.

He thought about asking her earlier but it was obvious that she didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to press her to tell him because he had no right. He was just her former sensei who had just become her new friend.

Tomorrow, she'd be going away. She would be going back to her world, to her friends. She would be going back to that man whom she was afraid would leave her.

His stomach lurched at the thought. Whoever that man was must not know how lucky he was to have Rika-chan. She was perfect in every way. She _is_ perfect in every way.

If I ever find out that he hurt her, I'll…I'll… 

_You'll what_, his subconscious asked him. _You're nothing to her. You are just the man who saved her from getting caught in a blizzard._

Yoshiyuki sighed in frustration because his subconscious had a point. He had no right to mess with her life. They just knew each other for less than two days. Technically that was wrong because they knew each other for years but not in the personal level. They just reached that stage last night.

He snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed Rika-chan shivering. He quickly reached for her quilt and covered her body using just one hand. He then dragged his futon next to hers, leaving no space in between. He laid back down over the cot and under his quilt. Moving the latter a bit, he made sure that their joined hands were warmly secure under it.

He said that he won't let go and he planned on keeping his words.

~Three weeks later~

"Argh!" Yoshiyuki tore a page of his notebook crumpled it and threw it forcefully against the wall. It bounced back at him as though taunting him.

His writing had gone to worse. It sucked! Big time!

It's because his inspiration was gone.

He reached over his desk and took the stuffed bear propped against the wall. Rika-chan gave him that bear many years ago. He had forgotten about it until that last day they were together.

She had given him inspiration for his sixth novel. He had dug this teddy bear from the storage room at the back of the cabin while she was sleeping on the couch.

~Flashback~

She fell asleep reading his book. Yoshiyuki found it amusing rather than insulting. He stared at her for a long time before he settled her on her back and covered her with the quilt.

She looked so peaceful…so childlike…so angelic.

Shaking his head to get rid of the romantic ideas, he walked away in search for that bear. After an hour of shifting boxes and sneezing madly, he found what he was looking for under the box of Yukino's clothes.__

He didn't lie to Rika-chan then. He had forgotten about those clothes and didn't remember about them until he literally stumbled upon them. What he didn't tell her was that he only stumbled across them when he was searching for Rika-bear.

He took the bear and the clothes to his bedroom. He laid the clothes on the bed then stared at the bear in confusion. He didn't know why he looked for it in the first place.

_Ah yes. The inspiration._ He realized that his muse was leaving the next day and he needed to have something of hers to keep his inspiration alive.

It was then that he heard the noise coming from the other room. He quickly shoved the bear under his bed and went out to check on Rika-chan. He saw her stumble across the room as though in a drunken state. She leaned against the window and began breathing deeply.

That was when she started acting oddly. And then there was that nightmare.

He woke up that last morning and what he first saw was Rika-chan's beautiful face. Both of them were lying on their sides, facing each other. Their bodies were so close he could feel her breath against his face. The only thing that separated their bodies were their intertwined arms, their hands still clinging to each other.

He had felt his heart melt at the beautiful sight she made but then he hardened it when he realized what day it was.

So he just shrugged off whatever he was feeling and got up. The first thing he did was to tuck Rika-chan's hand under her quilt then he tidied his beddings. After ducking his head under the ice-cold water in the bathroom he went out with Bono to check the power lines. He then switched on his fuse box and activated the heater.

By the time he finished cooking breakfast, Rika-chan was awake.

They spent the rest of the morning in tense silence. Both of them neither knew what to say or do. Both of them reluctant to separate but neither voiced it out.

By midmorning, they were on their way to her cabin. He recalled his initial reaction when he found out where she stayed because it was very far from his. He thought that it was a miracle she reached his cabin in that snowstorm. Other people would have collapsed from exhaustion halfway through.

When they reached their destination, they said goodbye in a passive way. She thanked him again and he responded with a nod and a stiff smile. He didn't realize he was gripping the steering wheel tight until Rika-chan got out and closed the passenger door. He had a hard time releasing the wheel in order to reach for the gear. It was as if his body was moving against his will.

Looking at the rearview mirror as his 4x4 pickup truck moved forward, he saw Rika-chan still standing there looking slightly dejected. Half of him wanted to turn back for her but his other half said no and that his imagination was running wild again. Before he could decide what to do, he was already back at his cabin.

~End of Flashback~

Yoshiyuki squeezed the bear he was holding tight. That was the last time he saw her. But it certainly wasn't the last time he thought of her. Since then, he couldn't get her out of his mind.

He tried to use her memories in writing his book and at first it worked. But as the days passed he found it harder and harder to concentrate. His desire to see her and hear her voice again was overwhelming.

He had said to himself that it would pass but it didn't. It had reached to the point that he wore his black shirt to sleep night after night with Rika-bear by his side. It may seem outrageous to others but he didn't care. He wanted to see her even if it was just in his dreams.

_If you missed her so much why don't you go find her_, his subconscious finally spoke up.

_Weren't you the one who said that I meant nothing to her? _

_Yes, I did say that. Maybe you are nothing to her. But is she nothing to you?_

Yoshiyuki recalled how he loved to gaze at her may she be sleeping or not. How his heart skip a beat when he hears her laugh. How his breathe always gets stuck in his throat whenever she smiled at him. How his stomach churned at the thought of the men in her life. And how he always had this inane desire to take care of her.

_If she's nothing to me then how come I'm falling apart like this? _

_That's because you're in love with her. Haven't you figured that out yet_, snorted his subconscious with thick sarcasm.

He suddenly stood up in shock.

"I'm in love with her?" he whispered in wonder. "I am. I do love her. But does she care for me too?"

_Why don't you find out?_

He propped the bear back on his desk and strode towards the bedroom with long determined strides.

He had to find out. He needs to find out.

~Later~

He had dropped off his overnight bag and Bono at his sister's house. He could see that she was surprised and confused at his unannounced visit but he didn't waste any time to explain his reasons to her. He was in and out of her house in three minutes flat, shouting that he'll be back for dinner.

He then drove to Rika-chan's restaurant. That was when his brain started functioning. He didn't have a game plan. He can't just go in there and shout his undying love and beg her to love him back.

He stared thoughtfully out of his car window and into the restaurant's window. He could see Chiharu Yamazaki weaving in between the tables, talking to the diners. He recalled Rika-chan mention that Yamazaki-chan was her partner. The former handled the kitchen while the latter handled the guests.

Yoshiyuki suddenly thought of his master plan. What he needed was a plausible reason in entering her restaurant. He started his pickup and drove to fetch his 'reason'.

Ten minutes later he went in his publisher's building. He nodded at the secretary before entering Yashko Sagara's office without knocking.

"What the…Yoshiyuki! This is a surprise." Yashko stood up to greet his friend/client.

"How have you been, Yashko?" He shook his hand and sat down, trying to act cool.

"Great! You didn't come to our wedding. Naoko was a bit disappointed. She wanted to see the great Tokiya Matsuda," he teased.

"Gomen nasai. I had other things in my mind back then. I didn't think Naoko-chan would want me to show up with a sour attitude."

"Your book, eh? Still having problems with it?"

"You could say that."

"So Rika-chan told us how you saved her from being licked to death by that huge dog of yours."

Yoshiyuki's eyes lit up when he heard that. _So she's been talking about me with her friends. I wonder what else she said_, he eagerly thought.

"It was really lucky of her that Bono sensed her." _And lucky for me too because I wouldn't have met her again otherwise. This is the cue that I've been waiting for._ "So how is she? Maybe we could go to that restaurant of hers and have a late lunch?" he said in one breath.

Yashko looked at him oddly as he sat down in front of the other man. "Of course, you haven't heard."

"Haven't heard what?" Yoshiyuki felt his heart tighten in reaction.

"Rika-chan is confined in the hospital. She's been there for four days now."

Yoshiyuki felt the blood on his face drain.

"Nani?!" He exclaimed as he gripped the arms of the chair in surprise.

"She didn't come to work four days ago. Naturally Chiharu-chan got worried so she went to Rika-chan's apartment. She found her lying on the bathroom floor, unconscious and barely breathing. She called for an ambulance then they brought her to the hospital. Later on we found out that Rika-chan almost died from a drug overdose."

"Drug overdose?" Yoshiyuki whispered, incapable of shaking off the shock.

"Iie, not that kind of OD. They were anti-depressant pills," Yashko shook his head as though in guilt. "None of us noticed that she was suffering from depression let alone taking those damn pills. Anyway, she was in a coma for three days and just woke up yesterday."

"She's in a bad state, Yoshiyuki," he continued after a long pause to let his friend take in the news. "She may be awake but she won't acknowledge anyone or anything. She just stares off in space, refusing to talk or eat."

Yoshiyuki quickly stood up and strode out of the office. He had to go to her. He had to see her.

He ignored Yashko's cries to wait up. He did, however, noted the publisher's shout about what room Rika-chan is in.

He reached her room in no time. He leaned against the wall and fought to catch his breath. He didn't want to wait for that damningly slow elevator so he ran up eight flights of stairs. When he caught his breath he slowly opened the door.

Nothing could have prepared him from the sight he saw.

Rika-chan's sleeping figure looked so frail and pale, her face almost as white as the hospital sheets. She had lost so much weight since the last time he saw her. And dark rings circled her eyes and pale lips.

His heart ached at what he saw.

He slowly walked towards the bed and gently sat down beside her, taking her hand in his. His other hand brushed away her hair from her face, just like he did a couple of times before.

"Rika-chan," he sighed out in pain.

"Terada-sensei."

Yoshiyuki heard someone quietly call out his name from the door. He turned around and saw a pregnant woman standing there holding a large vase of flowers. "Kinomoto-chan."

~BONUS: SAKURA'S POV~

Sakura had been observing him for a couple of minutes before she called out his name. She saw how he gently touched Rika's face and heard the sorrow when he said her name.

She smiled inwardly because she saw how much Terada-sensei cared for her friend. Perhaps he was the solution for their problem with Rika.

"Actually, it's Li now. I'm married to Syaoran Li. Am I interrupting you? Gomen nasai. Perhaps I should come back later," Sakura poised to leave.

"Iie. Please stay."

Sakura laid her flowers besides the numerous others. She looked around and saw how cheerful the room looked. Flowers were scattered all over the room and get-well-soon cards were posted on the walls. Most of them were home made, done by Chiharu and Tomoyo's children. Sakura had made one too, signing her unborn son's name.

Unfortunately no matter how cheerful and gay they made the room it didn't make its occupant snap out of her self-imposed silence.

Terada-sensei held out a chair for her near the bed before returning to his original position besides Rika's sleeping form. Sakura watched Terada-sensei pick up her friend's hand again and stare at her face with unwavering eyes.

Sakura laid a hand on her slightly round womb and thought of something to say.

"We're lucky you know," she began and continued only when she had his full attention. "The doctor said that we would have lost her if Chiharu was ten minutes late in finding her."

_He does love her_, she thought in satisfaction when she noticed his hands tighten around Rika's as though he didn't want to let it go. It was easy for her to see true love now ever since she found hers in Syaoran.

They spent the next few minutes in silence. Sakura could see that Terada-sensei was having trouble with something. It was as though he was battling with himself.

"I knew something was wrong with her," he finally spoke up, obviously disgusted with himself. "That time when I found her in the blizzard…I knew she was troubled with something but I didn't do anything about it. Some friend I turned out to be."

"At least you noticed something. We, on the other hand, were supposed to know her better and yet we didn't see through her overly cheerful façade."

"But that's the point. I saw it but didn't do anything," he replied back in frustration.

"We shouldn't be troubled with what we didn't do in the past. Kami-sama gave us another chance to right our wrongs by giving us Rika back."

Sakura stood up and walked towards the door, looking back before opening it. "The worst is not over yet, Terada-sensei. Someone has to break down the wall Rika built around herself. All of us tried but failed. Perhaps it is you who can save her from her depression."

~Back to Yoshiyuki's POV~

He heard the door click behind Li-chan. Thinking about what she said, he conceded that she had a point.

There was no use in blaming himself. He had to focus his energy in helping Rika-chan out. He would do everything in his power to bring back the true Rika Sasaki.

How he would do it, he doesn't know but that wouldn't stop him. Nothing would stop him, now that he found the only person who could complete his life.

_Hell would freeze over before I let go of her again._

To be continued…


	7. Rika

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 7: Rika

Rika stood in the middle of a busy street. People walked past her, not bothered by her lack of movements. They passed by her not caring if they were bumping against her.

And Rika just stood there.

Soon it was dark and the crowd had thinned out. She stood in the middle of the light the street lantern emitted. Looking up she saw Sakura and Syaoran walk closer to her. They had their arms around each other. Then Naoko and Yashko appeared too.

They talked for a while before sounds of children's laughter rang across the street. Tomoyo's daughter was playing with Chiharu's twins. They ran around the grown-ups, ignoring their parent's pleas to quiet down. Eriol and Takashi were again telling another amusing story. This made the children stand still, listening aptly at their fathers' story.

And then couple by couple they left, taking the children with them. A second later, she was alone in the deserted street again.

Rika felt a solitary tear run down her cheek.

"Rika-chan."

She heard a deep voice call out her name. She looked around in confusion. The voice was familiar but it was impossible for its owner to be here.

"Rika-chan!" The voice was more urgent now. She tried to follow it but couldn't move her feet. She raised her hands in an appeal for help.

"Rika-chan, wake up!"

~End of Dream Sequence~

She finally opened her eyes. What she saw was a pair of worried brown eyes but in her state of confusion she didn't recognize to whom they belonged. She just stared passively at the eyes with no emotion whatsoever.

"Rika-chan. It's me." The man spoke up again, this time in frustration.

_That voice…those eyes…I know them_, a small part of her said.

"Yoshi-kun."

The name entered her mind and she whispered it. She felt her hands being squeezed. She looked down and saw that her hands were raised in someone else's grasps.

"Yoshi-kun," she said again, this time in wonder. She fought hard to lift the fog blocking her mind. Closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, she willed her mind to clear up.

When she opened her eyes again, she saw his face more clearly. Pulling one hand from his grasp, she reached out to touch his face to see if he was real. She was afraid that he was just another illusion, something that her lonely mind had conjured up again.

"You're here. You're really here," she said, her voice breaking from lack of use.

"Yes I am darling," he said as he took her hand again. He kissed her palm before pressing it against the side of his face.

Rika let out a soft sigh before tiredly closing her eyes. She felt her body relax as though her muscles had been tensed up for God knows how long. Her lips curled up into a smile as she welcomed the warmth spreading throughout her body.

Later, she fuzzily woke up to the sound of muffled voices. Reluctant to wake up from her relaxing nap, she kept her eyes closed unaware of where she was and what she was doing there.

"She's in a withdrawal state right now. This is a dangerous situation because if we can't help her right now it would be quite impossible to do so later on. The depression would take over her mind as well as her body. You've all seen her zombie-like trance. Don't look so glum though. I believe that things are looking up since she responded to Terada-san's voice and touch."

Rika heard a loud collective sigh. Curious at to what was happening; she opened her eyes and looked around the room. She slowly took in the card-covered walls and the multiple flower vases on top of every flat surface. Her eyes finally settled across the room where her friends were huddled around a white-coated woman.

The woman glanced at her then smilingly walked up to her. "Ah, you're awake."

In an instant, ten people surrounded her. In a counterclockwise direction, she looked at them one by one.

Nearest to her head was the woman whom she now recognized as her psychiatrist. Beside her were Eriol and Tomoyo followed by Sakura and Syaoran, Chiharu and Takashi, and Naoko and Yashko. The person closest to her left was none other than Yoshi-kun.

She watched them look anxiously at her as though she was some kind of bomb ready to explode. She thought they looked so funny but was too tired to even crack a smile. Still confused about her whereabouts, she looked at Dr. Morikawa who was raising the upper end of her bed.

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. You suffered from drug overdose," Dr. Morikawa calmly explained, not at all surprised at her patient's lack of memory. She waited for her to ask another question so as to give Sasaki-chan time to assimilate the information.

"Drug overdose?"

"You had somehow ingested more than eight of the anti-depressant pills that I prescribed. You were only supposed to take two pills a day."

"Gomen nasai. I can't remember. I must have lost count," she said in a small, confused voice.

"It happens," Dr. Morikawa replied in understanding as she checked her pulse. She would have to reprimand her patient when they are alone and when Sasaki-chan is more composed. "You almost scared the life out of your friends though."

Unsure of herself, she looked past the doctor and outside the window.

"What you need now is rest. Your friends can stay for ten minutes. After that, I will only allow Terada-san to stay." The doctor patted the arm connected to the IV before leaving the room.

Rika thought that what the doctor last said was odd but didn't think about it. She was more worried on how to handle her friends now that they knew about her condition. From the corner of her eyes, she saw them nudging each other to speak up.

She looked at Sakura when the bed moved under the pregnant woman's weight. "How are you feeling Rika?"

_Confused._

_Ashamed._

_Depressed._

_Sad._

_Tired.___

God, she felt so tired…emotionally and physically. She didn't want to tell them about her depression let alone how she felt right now. Not wanting to lie and say that she was fine, she just kept quiet and stared back at the window.

She felt the bed move again; this time it was Yoshi-kun who sat down on the other side. He didn't say anything though. He just took her hand in his and squeezed it in encouragement.

She stared at their joined hands for a minute before looking back at the others.

"Gomen nasai. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I just didn't want you to worry about me."

"We're your friends, Rika. We are supposed to share your joy as well as your pain." Chiharu said with a teary voice. She remembered the fright she had when she found her friend unconscious on the floor.

Rika just looked down sadly. _Even if I told you, you wouldn't understand_, she wanted to shout at them. _You wouldn't understand how I felt…how I feel right now. None of you had ever felt the loneliness that I'm feeling right now._

"This is not the time to talk about it, minna," Tomoyo softly said. "Rika will tell us when she's ready."

Rika tried to smile in gratitude at the other woman. Takashi then shoved the cards that were posted on the wall at her. One by one she looked at them and read them. The others were chatting lively telling her amusing stories about the time when their children were making the cards. Sometimes she would force herself to laugh at appropriate moments but all she wanted right now was peace and quiet.

Thankfully a nurse appeared and informed them that the ten minutes were over. There were some more commotion as they said their goodbyes to Rika and Yoshi-kun. The nurse laid out a tray of food on the mobile table. She then ushered the others out of the room, leaving her alone with Yoshi-kun.

Rika let out a sigh of relief when the door closed quietly behind them. She loved her friends but they were too much for her right now.

"Daijoubu?" Yoshi-kun asked as he sat back down beside her.

"Just tired. Their lively attitudes can be tiring sometimes," she smiled lamely.

"Then you'd better eat your dinner so you can rest." He gently moved the table so the tray would be in front of her then lifted the aluminum lid covering the food.

"I'm not really hungry, Yoshi-kun."

"You're going to eat every morsel of food on this tray. I won't take no for an answer," he said in a gentle yet firm tone. Not waiting for her response, he picked up the spoon and bowl of soup. He blew at the spoonful of thick liquid making sure that it wasn't scalding hot before poising it near her mouth.

Rika looked at him then at the spoon then back at him. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm your friend and friends help each other when in need."

"I don't need your help or your pity," she said before turning her head away. For some reason, she got irritated with what he said. And maybe a little irritated at herself too. It seemed like she always ends up as the damsel in distress and for the second time around Yoshi-kun was there to save her.

She heard him sigh before pushing the table away. She felt his hand touch the side of her face to make her look back at him. Reluctantly, she did so.

"I'm here because I care about you. And I won't go away even if you call security. You need someone to listen to your problems and I plan to be that person."

She looked deeply into his eyes and saw the sincerity in them. She knows that however determined he was to help her, he wouldn't press her to talk. He respects her privacy and for that she respects him back. He might even understand how she feels.

She saw him smile with relief when she nodded in agreement. He picked the bowl and spoon again.

"I can eat by myself you know," she said as she smiled her first genuine smile (even if it's just a small one) in weeks.

"I know," he shrugged, grinning back at her. "It just gives me something to do."

"Tell you what…why don't you go downstairs and get your own dinner to go. We'll eat here together." She continued when he was about to protest. "If you're worried about the food getting cold I'm sure the nurses would let us use the microwave in the nurse's pantry."

"I won't eat unless you'll eat with me," she added. She knew she was being childish but couldn't help it. She actually missed those few times that they ate together and was looking forward to relive the experience.

She remembered that the time they spent stuck together in his cabin was one of the happiest moments of her life. And right now what she need is to remember those happy moments to keep her from thinking about her problems.

"All right, but you have to promise me that you'll eat everything. Not a single crumb should be left," he finally succumbed to her threat.

As soon as the door closed behind him, another thought nagged her.

_Have you ever thought what you're going to tell him,_ her subconscious asked. _You agreed for him to be your confidante and sooner or later you would have to tell him about what's making you crazy._

_He won't force me to tell him_, she answered back.

_But do you really want to keep it from him? Look at what happened to you. Do you really want your loneliness to eat you up from inside out?_

_No. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm so tired of feeling sorry for myself._

_Then tell him. Do something about it._

"But what if he laughs at me?"

"Who will laugh at you?"

Rika jolted out of her trance and saw that Yoshi-kun was looking at her oddly.

"You're back. That was fast," she blushingly said.

"There's no line at the cafeteria. Who would laugh at you?" He asked again as he positioned the table in between them. Her food was still warm so they didn't have to heat it up.

"No one…Itadakimasu!" She quickly said and reached for her soup. She could feel his worried gaze on her and she prayed that he would leave it be.

Kami-sama was on her side at that moment because Yoshi-kun did not press on. They ate in comfortable silence. Afterwards, they watched some TV.

It didn't take long before Rika felt drowsy again. A relaxing cloud covered her mind. It was a shame that the cloud prevented her from feeling the gentle kiss that grazed her forehead.

To be continued…

**_bishlov:_**_ *slams head against the door again and again*_

**_Rika-chan:_**_ Ano…is there any problem, bish-chan?_

**_bishlov:_**_ *stops slamming head to look at Rika* Yeah, I've got a problem. This has got to be the worst chapter I've ever written. It's too hohum._

**_Rika-chan:_**_ Gomen nasai. I'm very sorry to hear that._

**_bishlov:_**_ *sweatdrops* don't you ever say anything except 'gomen nasai'? It's getting a bit tiring._

**_Rika-chan:_**_ Sumimasen. I didn't mean to upset you._

**_bishlov:_**_ *sweatdrops some more* I give up!!! You're too polite for your own sake. Just do me a favor and stop whining about your life already._

**_Rika-chan:_**_ Hey don't blame me. You're the one who made me whiny._

**_bishlov:_**_ You're right. *Slams head on door again* bad bishlov…bad bishlov…bad bishlov!_

**_Rika-chan: _**_Ano…_

**_bishlov:_**_ What is it now?_

**_Rika-chan: _**_I think someone else is knocking on the door._

**_bishlov:_**_ *opens door* Yukino-chan!!!_

**_Yukino-chan:_**_ Hey I've been looking everywhere for you. When the hell are you gonna change me back into Yukito?!_

**_bishlov:_**_ Hehehe *sweatdrops*. Ano…I'm kinda busy right now with this fic. I have to fix Rika-chan's problem first before I can fix yours._

**_Yukino-chan:_**_ Nani!!! I can't stand being a girl anymore. Kuso…this pantyhose is itchy *scratches legs*._

**_Rika-chan and bishlov:_**_ *snort snort*_

**_bishlov:_**_ I'm sorry, Yukino-chan, but you have to wait your turn *snorts out laughter*. By the way, I like that dress…it's so chic…so you. I'm sure Touya-kun would go gaga over it._

**_Yukino-chan:_**_ Oh go lick a frozen mailbox!!! *Slams door behind her, er, him*_

**_Rika-chan and bishlov:_**_ *fall to the ground and laugh their heads off*_

**_bishlov:_**_ *rubs tears from eyes* Ja, minna-san and don't forget to review_


	8. Yoshiyuki

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 8: Yoshiyuki

Yoshiyuki fidgeted in his seat. The hour was already up but still Dr. Morikawa was still in Rika-chan's room. In the three days that he stayed in the hospital watching over Rika-chan, it had become a daily ritual for the doctor to talk to her patient for an hour alone.

He would seize that opportunity to go to his sister's house to take a quick bath and have an equally quick chat with Yukino and her toddler son. Then he would rush back to the hospital to spend the rest of the day and night with Rika-chan.

He didn't mind sleeping on a cramped sofa. So long as he was near her, he was content. The others had seen the improvement in her and they told him about it. She smiled more often and on some occasions she would laugh a genuine laugh.

But still she didn't speak about what's troubling her. They were all still at dark as to what's the cause of her depression since Rika-chan wouldn't share it and Dr. Morikawa couldn't due to the boundaries of doctor-patient confidentialities.

All the others have given up hope that she would tell them although they were behind her 100%. Yoshiyuki however would not stop at that. He promised to himself that he would do everything possible to help her so he won't be easily discouraged with her lack of response.

_She's been there for an hour and a half now_, he thought after glancing at his wristwatch. _What's taking her so long?_

He waited for eight more minutes before he saw the doctor appear from the corner. He stood up to meet her but she gestured for him to sit down again. She entered the waiting room then closed the door behind her.

Yoshiyuki sat up in tense anticipation.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Terada-san. Sasaki-chan and I had a lot to talk about," she said as she sat on the chair opposite his.

"Such as?"

"Such as her fast recovery from the overdose. Her blood work came back today and it shows that the drug is completely out of her system. This brings us to another topic. She no longer needs to stay here so I'm releasing her tomorrow."

"That's good news," he sighed out in relief.

"Not exactly," she replied with slight hesitation.

"What do you mean?" Yoshiyuki tensed up again.

"Well she still has her depression. I take it she hasn't told any of you about her problems yet?"

"Iie. We were hoping she would because we don't want to back her into a corner."

"The waiting can be very frustrating, I know. I have patients who had been coming to me for months now but still won't tell me what's troubling them. You have to be observant and read between the lines in order to know what you need to know."

He nodded in understanding and waited for her to continue.

"Our problem with Sasaki-chan is that she shouldn't be left alone at this stage of depression. What she needs is human contact. She can't go back to her apartment because she lives there alone. She won't go to her family because she doesn't want them to worry about her. Nor does she want to stay with her other friends because they would fuss over her, among other reasons."

His eyes flickered as he noted what she said. She just gave him a well-concealed hint. He would have to think about that later on.

"She can stay with me," he quickly suggested. "I mean my place is up in the mountains. There's plenty of fresh air and few distractions. It would be a great place for her to relax. And I promise I won't fuss over her."

"I was kind of hoping you would say that," Dr. Morikawa smiled. "Sasaki-chan had told me about your cabin some time ago and how she forgot her problem for almost two days. And I've seen the way you handled her these past few days. All I can say is that I couldn't have done better myself."

He beamed at her praise although he didn't tell her how frustrated he felt because he didn't know if what he was doing was right for Rika-chan. There were times when he wanted to shake some sense in her but of course he tried desperately to restrain himself.

"You should always be aware of her moods. There are times when she needs someone to hold her hands but there are also times when you need to step back. Your most important duty, however, is to watch over her anti-depressant intake without her knowing it. I'm going to give her a lower dosage but they are still dangerous when taken against the prescribed time and number.

I do not believe that she had taken those pills all at once nor is she capable of suicide. Sometimes when the depression is too strong it would cloud your mind and all you could ever think about is to make it go away. I believe that was what happened to her. She didn't realize how much she had taken in and just wanted the pain to go away."

"Wakatta," he said quietly as he took the doctor's warnings.

"All right then," she exclaimed as she stood up. "Let's see if we can persuade her to stay with you."

~A week later~

They were walking side by side at a snow-covered clearing near Yoshiyuki's cabin. After a while, they sat down on a log and watched Bono chase a petrified rabbit.

He looked at her from the corner of his eyes and saw the sad look pasted on her face again. It was the same look that he'd been seeing frequently as the days passed. He felt frustrated because she's starting to withdraw again, starting to hide behind her wall again.

He remembered Dr. Morikawa's last words to him before he drove away with Rika-chan.

"Stay strong and don't give up on her. Whatever you do, just don't give up on her," she quietly said to him.

And he tried desperately to do those things. He tried to be strong for the both of them but he's finding it hard to do so lately. It's hard not to give up on someone who has given up on herself.

But he can't give up on her. He won't. He will not let go of the woman he loves. He waited all of his life to find her and he won't let any damned depression take her away from him.

"What are you thinking?"

He looked at the woman beside him, thinking what he should answer her. He decided to take the offensive tactic.

"I'm thinking if the time will ever come when you'll trust me enough to tell me what your problems are."

He sighed as he watched Rika-chan look down at her folded hands, retreating behind that damn wall again. Looking up at the clear sky, he said a silent prayer to Kami-sama asking Him to give him some more patience.

"Gomen nasai," he apologized after a while. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Iie. You've been nothing but good to me. I appreciate your concern but it's hard for me to open up to someone especially since I've been keeping my depression from everyone for such a long time."

"Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Gomen nasai," she whispered tearily.

Yoshiyuki moved closer to her and placed his arm around her in a tight hug. He then pushed her head so it would rest against his chest and placed his chin on top of it. "You don't need to apologize to me. Take your time. But don't ever think that you have to face your problems alone. Always remember that I am here for you no matter what."

He smiled softly as he felt her head nod in understanding. His arms instinctively tightened around her. It felt good having the woman of his dreams in his arms. He would have given anything to just sit there peacefully beside her but then it wasn't right because one, they would freeze to death and two, he had no right to think of such thoughts when Rika-chan is suffering from inner turmoil.

Just then, Bono appeared behind them and grabbed his muffler with his mouth and tugged hard several times. On his last tug, the muffler came loose from Yoshiyuki's neck and was dragged across the clearing.

He quickly stood up and ran after the dog and his piece of clothing. He must have looked absurd, chasing after a dog and yelling like hell, because he heard a fairly loud bout of gleeful laughter. He stopped chasing the dog and sent a fake glare to the laughing woman.

"So you find this funny, do you? Let me hear you laugh when your neck is freezing," he said as he ran towards her to snatch her muffler.

He expected her to run away from him but she didn't. She just stood up and backed away from the log. She twisted and turned so he won't be able to touch her muffler. When he was able to grab it he quickly tugged but instead of getting the muffler he got Rika-chan. His tug had almost slammed her body against his.

"Daijoubu?" He quickly asked as he released the muffler to hold her steady. She looked up at him and what he saw made his heart stop beating. Her smile was so beautiful that he felt his breath get stuck in his throat. And her eyes…her eyes were so bright as though they were gleaming with…_with mischief?_

Before he knew it, Rika-chan raised her hand and pulled on the neck of his sweater underneath his bulky jacket. She dumped a handful of snow that she was hiding in her gloved hand.

Yoshiyuki yelped as the snow touched his skin. He quickly tried to unzip his jacket but failed a couple of times because of his thick gloves not to mention that he's starting to shiver madly from the cold snow. By the time he finally got the snow out of his sweater, Rika-chan was almost doubling over from laughter.

"That's the last straw Rika Sasaki! I'll get you this time," he shouted in a threatening voice.

This time she ran away from him. They chased each other around the clearing throwing roughly made snowballs. Bono joined in on the fun by chasing the person nearest him then reverting his attention to the other one.

Then the time came when Yoshiyuki had caught Rika-chan's arm. However, he lost his footing when he almost stepped on Bono. He fell down to the ground taking Rika-chan with him.

He twisted his body to make sure that she would not land on the cold snow-covered ground. She fell directly on top of him, their faces almost touching.

Suddenly he was having trouble breathing and it wasn't because he was winded from their little exercise. He could feel the whole length of Rika-chan's body against his. He could feel every breath that she takes on his face and against his chest.

And he knows that she could feel his on her as well as the hard thumping motion of his heart.

His arm instinctively went around her waist to keep her from falling off him. He saw that her eyes flickered in reaction to this movement. All right…perhaps he hugged her to him not just to keep her from falling off. He wanted to feel her warm body close to his.

She gasped as his arms tightened a fraction closer. He knew he should release her but again his body has a mind of its own.

Gazing at her flushed face, the first thought that entered his mind was how breathtaking her beauty is. Her face and body are starting to fill up as an effect to his slaving over his stove in order to make tempting dishes for her. The dark rings around her eyes are barely noticeable unless one stares at it for a long time. And the luster in her brown eyes had replaced the dullness that was present a week and a half ago.

And her lips.

His eyes were drawn to her luscious red lips. He had wondered how she kept her lips that red even if she doesn't use lipstick. He still does. But he has other stuff on his mind right now.

Like how soft can her lips be.

Or what taste would they have.

Giving in to the temptation, his right hand slowly slid up Rika-chan's back then buried itself in her soft mane. He felt her shiver in reaction. Savoring the feeling it created on his body, his hand closed on a handful of hair and gently pushed her head towards his.

He saw her lips quiver and he unconsciously licked his in anticipation. Everything was going into slow motion and it seemed like years had already passed but her lips were still going down and down.

And down.

Their eyes closed a fraction of a second before their lips met. Both of them shivered when this happened out of sheer fulfillment of anticipation.

Yoshiyuki had his answers. Rika-chan's lips were definitely as soft as they looked, maybe even more. And they tasted like strawberries…sweet…unbearably sweet. He passed the tip of his tongue against her slightly open lips as though asking permission to enter her mouth.

As soon as he gained entry, the tender kiss instantly became a passionate one. He buried his hand deeper in her hair and tilted her head to one side so he could reach deeper into her mouth. Their tongues met and teased each other almost driving him to insanity.

He can't believe the rush of emotions flooding his entire being. No other kiss had made him feel like this.

_Love._

_Ecstasy._

_Lust._

_Excitement._

_Love._

By the time he felt her nibbling on his lower lip he knew he was a goner.

Their heart-thumping, mind-blowing, soul-shattering kiss ended much sooner that what he had wanted. Both of them were breathing hard and could feel their hearts beating fast. They looked at each other with eyes glazed with passion.

Suddenly, Bono came out of nowhere and barked loud in their ears. Rika-chan gave a start then quickly looked away.

"Gomen nasai," she whispered as she scrambled to get off him. She got up and brisk walked to the cabin with her head down.

Yoshiyuki slammed his head against the ground as an act of reprimand. Trust his overzealous libido to make matters worse.

He saw her eyes flicker with confusion before she looked away. As magical as he thought their kiss was, he knew that it only made Rika-chan's life more complicated. And he knew that she doesn't need any more complications.

He wouldn't apologize though. She was with him 100% all throughout the kiss. Come to think of it, he wasn't sorry at all. If Kami-sama was to rewind the last few minutes he would still kiss her. The only thing he would change was the length of time of the kiss. He would make it longer and much more satisfying if it were possible.

He sighed in resignation. He should check on her and see if she got upset so he got up and followed her bending once to pick up his discarded muffler.

To be continued…

**_bishlov:_**_ Hentai!!! *points at Yoshi-kun*_

**_Yoshi-kun:_**_ I am not. Go lick a frozen mailbox or something._

**_bishlov:_**_ Are you sure you don't want to do it yourself? Looks like your tongue is on fire from that little exercise *wink wink*._

**_Yoshi-kun:_**_ Shut up!!!_

**_bishlov: _**_ohohohohohoho *right hand over lips*_

**Notice: ** No animals were harmed in this chapter particularly the rabbit that Bono was chasing so don't report me to any animal rights group.

**bishlov: I got Rika-chan's doctor's name from FoR. Morikawa is the last name of the Kata Kugutsu wielder…Ganko Morikawa. You know…that small blond kid with that annoying live stuffed fox. Oh well…ja ne!!!**


	9. Rika

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya-mou

Chapter 9: Rika

She woke up in the middle of the night and found herself sitting upright on the bed. She was sweating profusely and her heart was beating like some Caribbean drum.

She had another nightmare.

She reached up to wipe the sweat off her face only to find out that what really made her face wet were tears and not perspiration. Briskly whisking them away using the cuffs of her satin pajamas, she wondered when her nightmares would ever stop.

_What do you expect Rika Sasaki_, she reprimanded herself,_ you've been bottling everything inside so now you're ready to explode. Correction. You already did when you inadvertently gulped down one-eight of the pills that shrink gave you. And now the pressure's building up again._

As soon as the thought entered her head she stood up and slowly moved towards the kitchen, not bothering to turn the lights on. She stopped halfway to look at Yoshi-kun's sleeping figure on the couch. He slept in the living room while she slept in his bedroom.

She walked softly towards him, not wanting to wake him up. She gently pried his notebook from his hand and laid it on the coffee table. She then took his other hand that was hanging towards the floor and placed it beside the other one on his stomach before covering him up with his quilt.

After staring at his face, she dazedly walked towards the kitchen.

The bottle of pills was right exactly where she left it after dinner. She got a glass of water then sat down at the kitchen table. She reached for the small bottle, uncapped it and poured some of its content on the table.

Rika stared at the dozen white pills scattered in front of her. In an almost trancelike movement, she began reaching to pick up several pills but then something stopped her. Suddenly, Yoshi-kun's face popped in her head. He did everything he could to nurse her back to health and here she was about to flush his efforts down the drain.

She balled her extended hand into a fist before forcing it to back away. Much as she wanted to ease the pain by taking those pills, she couldn't. She owed Yoshi-kun that much. She owed herself that much.

With a sob, she drew her legs up and hugged them closer to her body. She closed her eyes and started to rock herself in order to fight the temptation and the pain.

She didn't know how long she was there but when she finally opened her eyes, Yoshi-kun was sitting in front of her. His expression was of intense disappointment. It was so intense that she felt the tears flood her eyes in reaction.

"Sumimasen," she whispered as she closed her eyes again to stop her tears from falling. She didn't know that Yoshi-kun's disappointment was directed at himself for not being able to help her out.

"Sumimasen…sumimasen…" she apologized again and again.

"Daijoubu," he whispered back as he took her in his arms and carried her to the other room. He sat down on the couch, placing her on his lap.

She buried her head against his chest because she didn't want him to see her cry. She tried to stop the tears but they just kept on flowing out. After a while she stopped trying and sobbed furiously.

When her sobs finally abated, she realized how comfortable she felt snuggled close to his body, her head tucked underneath his chin. His hands were working magic on her as one hand was rubbing her hands with his thumb while the other was pushing her hair away from her face then slowly goes down to rub her back.

"Do you feel better now?"

She felt his lips move against her hair. She was about to nod her head in a yes but then quickly changed her mind and shook it in a no. She heard him sigh again and thought that he was disappointed at her again. But then he moved his hands so he could adjust her body closer to his and wrapped his arm around her in a loose embrace. If it weren't for her distraught state, Rika would surely be blushing madly right now.

They stayed like that for several minutes, their silence slightly tense. Rika was battling with herself, arguing if she should tell him or not.

_I'm so tired of feeling so down and ashamed_, she sighed to herself. _I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't care if he'll laugh at me or not. If I want to feel better I must get it all out now.___

She took in a couple of deep breaths to calm her nerves and to get some courage. She clenched on the fabric of her PJ pants and tried several times to speak up but no sounds came out. She didn't know where to begin.

Yoshi-kun must have felt her difficulties because he laid a hand on top of hers. Instinctively, her hands released their hold on the PJ and clung to his hand.

"I am such an idiot, you know," she finally said after a while, "because I let such a silly thing get me down. I even almost died because of such a trivial thing."

"I don't think that anything that would make you unhappy could be trivial, Rika-chan."

She pushed against his chest and sat upright so she could see his face clearly. The soft glow coming from the fireplace gave her enough light to see that he was regarding her seriously. But she had to be sure.

"Promise me you won't laugh at me."

"I promise," he whispered back.

After several false starts she decided to just blurt it all out. "I feel so alone. I could feel the loneliness eating up my heart and mind. It hurts so much."

She quickly averted her eyes, expecting him to snort in laughter despite of his promise. But instead she felt him touch her face in order to make her look back at him.

"What made you lonely?"

She saw his eyes gleaming with understanding. And why wouldn't he? After all, he had spent the last few years hidden in this cabin with only a dog for company. But then he chose to be alone…didn't he?

"As a child I was brought up to be the perfect little girl so I could grow up to be the perfect wife and mother. Everybody else pretty much thought the same thing and then came the day when I decided to be something else other that the perfect homebody. I strove hard to be the best in everything else. I graduated top of my class both in high school and culinary school.

It was just at Naoko-chan's wedding that I stopped and thought about what happened in my life. I realized that all of my achievements gave me satisfaction but not one of them gave me fulfillment. And then I looked around and saw that all of my friends have already found the fulfillment I've been craving for. They found the people who made their lives whole."

After a moment's pause she snorted out a pathetic laugh. "Sounds ironic, ne? In the end, I wanted to be the person I strove hard not to be. I'm craving to be the perfect wife and mother but then how can I be such a person when I'm all alone? Would you believe I dated almost fifteen men in a span of one month? I can't believe I stooped that low just to find the right man. And when I didn't I just stopped going out and I evaded Sakura and the others. Seeing them all happy and content was like rubbing salt on open wounds."

The next couple of minutes passed in silence. Rika felt Yoshi-kun tense up when she mentioned the men she dated. She thought that he was disgusted at her behavior but didn't know that it was actually a jealous reaction.

"You can laugh at me now," she said quietly. She decided she could handle it better than this awkward silence.

"I would never laugh at you especially after what you told me. Do you know why?"

She looked into his eyes expectantly. She felt relieved and confused at the same time because he wasn't disgusted at her for letting such a shallow matter bother her.

"Everybody feels extreme loneliness at least once in their lives. You shouldn't be ashamed of it."

"Honto ni? Did you ever…"

"Hai, several years ago. I was more than old enough to settle down but I didn't. I couldn't. Not without the right woman."

"So what did you do?"

"I quit my job, packed my bags and climbed up this mountain. I'm lucky because I had my books to vent out all of my depression and frustration. You, on the other hand, had no means of letting it all out that's why the pain can be unbearable. Bottling it all up inside won't solve your problems."

"I know that. That's why I told you because I'm so sick of wallowing up in my own pity. I'm sick of having nightmares night after night."

"You're still young, Rika-chan. You shouldn't pressure yourself in thinking such things. You should fight the loneliness and enjoy your life. The right man will come sooner or later, you'll see."

"Don't you feel lonely being stuck here with only Bono to keep you company? Is it really enough for you to just vent out your frustrations in your writings?"

"Of course it's not enough and I do get lonely most of the time. But, you see, dating hundreds of people won't work. You've tried it but it didn't even give you satisfaction let alone fulfillment. Destiny will provide you the right man and it's just a matter of waiting for him to arrive," he said with a small smile.

"How can you say that? How can you possibly find the right woman for you if you're locked up in this cabin? Seriously, you don't expect her to knock on your door when you least expect it, do you?"

Rika saw his smile grow secretive as though he was enjoying a private joke. His eyes flickered with amusement and something else. He was looking at her intensely, making her blush in confusion. When she couldn't stand his intense gaze anymore she quickly buried her head on the side of his neck.

"Nothing is impossible, Rika-chan. Sometimes, destiny has a funny way of fixing things," he said softly as he intertwined their hands again.

Still confused at his words and behavior, she decided to let it go. She focused on relaxing against him as he gently massaged her neck and shoulder with his other hand.

"Yoshi-kun," she sleepily whispered after a while.

"Hmmm?" he replied as he absently stroked her hair.

"I feel so much better now."

"I'm glad."

She slowly drifted to sleep, feeling the butterfly kiss he laid on her forehead. Smiling and sighing softly, she snuggled closer to him before finally giving in to the deep slumber.

~Morning came~

She felt so warm and comfortable despite of the chilly air. Hugging the quilt closer to her body she move backwards to snuggle against the source of warmth.

Her eyes immediately flew open when her 'source of warmth' moved against her back. Looking behind her, ever so slowly, she came face to face with Yoshi-kun's chest. She gasped in surprise and tensed up. Raising her head slightly she sighed in relief when she saw that he was not awakened by her startled reaction. They were laying on the couch spoon fashion.

She turned her head in front again and laid it on his arm that served as her pillow. His other arm was loosely hanging over her waist under the quilt. Their legs were piled on top of each other in a jumbled heap.

As much as she thought that their intimate position was disconcerting, she felt extremely reluctant in breaking out of his embrace. Giving in to the temptation, she snuggled her head under his chin and tried to relax. It didn't take long for her to do so because the warmth of his body and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest calmed her.

She stared at the dying flames in the fireplace and recalled their conversation earlier in the wee hours of the night. She had finally said it all out and he understood completely. He didn't laugh at her nor felt sorry for her. He just sat there and listened attentively. He even gave her sound advises.

Because of him she felt free. She still cringes at the thought of being alone but she's no longer petrified of it. It felt like a heavy load was lifted from her heart and it was Yoshi-kun who had set her free.

Her stomach growled a bit loudly to her surprise. She never actually felt hunger since she fell into her depression. She gently eased out of Yoshi-kun's embrace and walked towards the bathroom for her morning ritual.

_Maybe this is a sign that I'm getting better_, she thought when her stomach growled again. After brushing her teeth, washing her face and changing her clothes she set out to make breakfast. She made a detour towards the couch first to tuck the quilt over Yoshi-kun again.

When she turned around, she felt that she had kicked something under the couch. She slowly bent over so as not to wake Yoshi-kun and reached underneath. After a few seconds of searching, her hand grasped something so she pulled it out. She was surprised all over again at what she saw.

In her hands was the teddy bear that she gave him back in the fifth grade _(AN: Am I right?)_. She felt a warm feeling spread all over her body. _He had kept it all of these years_, she thought as she felt her heart give a joyous leap.

After a while, she bent down again. She propped the bear against his chest underneath the quilt. Then she kissed his cheek lightly and whispered in his ear. "Arigatou, Yoshi-kun."

She straightened quickly when he slightly stirred. She gave him a gentle smile before proceeding towards the kitchen.

After letting Bono out through the back door, she spent the next few minutes staring inside the fridge. She wanted to make something special for Yoshi-kun but didn't know what. After a while, she was shivering from the cold air and yet she still has no idea what to cook.

She sighed as she closed the door, grabbed a knife from the counter and paced around the room. She had this weird habit of slapping the flat side of a knife on her palm. The feeling of smooth steel on her hand had always helped her get ideas on what to cook.

_I guess I have something in common with Yoshi-kun_, she smiled as she recalled his need for multiple mediums in writing. _Both of us have weird working habits.___

Her thoughts were reverted back to the man who's sleeping in the other room. He really is a special person.

_A good listener._

_The perfect gentleman._

_He's funny and caring._

_A great friend._

_And an excellent kisser._

She stopped pacing as that last thought entered her mind. She couldn't stop blushing as she remembered that kiss they shared. After she reached the cabin yesterday, she had already pushed the memory in the deep recesses of her brain. When Yoshi-kun followed her, she acted as though nothing happened between them and he took her cue.

But that was yesterday, when a lot of things were bothering her mind. Now that she's more or less sane she couldn't stop the flow of emotions as she remembered that kiss.

She had never been kissed that way before. And if she was, she knew that it would never compare to Yoshi-kun's kiss. It felt like she was in heaven and hell at the same time. She had forgotten everything else except the immense pleasure his lips had given her and the ache that accompanied it.

_You weren't exactly acting like a nun back then remember_, her subconscious acted up again. _You were as into that kiss as he was._

_I guess I was caught up in the heat of the moment_, she answered back.

_Uhuh. Admit it, girl, you want him. Not only that, you're madly in love with him._

_Me? In love with him? Never was, never will._ She had suddenly stopped slapping the knife against her hand and it hang suspended near her upturned palm.

_Yeah, right. Then can you imagine your life without him now? Can you walk out of this cabin, go back to work and never look back?_

Rika closed her eyes to stop the tears that had suddenly appeared from falling. She had felt deep sadness when she thought about not having Yoshi-kun by her side. She can't imagine her life without seeing his smile or hearing his voice again.

_I love him_, she realized as the tears escaped her eyelids. _I'm so stupid. I was so worried in not finding the right man when all the while he's right in front of me.___

"What the hell are you doing?!" Yoshi-kun angrily yelled from the door.

Rika was startled from the shout. So startled that she released the knife she was holding. She jumped back in time for it to miss her foot and instead the knife dully clanged on the tiled kitchen floor.

He strode towards her and kicked the knife away before grabbing hold of her shoulder. Looking up, she saw different emotions evident on his face and mirrored in his eyes. She saw shock, anger, fright, and another emotion that she couldn't understand. The same emotion that she saw in his eyes last night.

"What the hell were you thinking," he shook her before roughly pulling her into his arms in a tight embrace. "Damn it, Rika. Suicide is not the solution to your problems."

_Suicide? Where did he get that idea_, she thought in confusion. Then she realized how she must have looked when he entered the room. She was standing there crying her eyes out with a knife dangling over her upturned hand.

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation but his reaction had made her wonder.

"Doushite?" She tried to look at his face but his tight embrace made it impossible to do so.

"Nani?" he said, still visibly shaking from the mixed emotions surging throughout his body.

"Why does it matter to you if I kill myself?"

The arms around her tightened some more. She felt him take a deep breath and let it out shakily.

"Because I don't want to lose you. Not again."

This time she pushed hard against his chest with all of her strength. She wanted to know the truth. She wanted to see it in his eyes.

"Doushite?" She asked again when she managed to loosen his grip on her.

He raised his hands and laid them on the sides of her face, brushing away her tears with his thumbs. She looked deep into his eyes and saw the answer before he whispered it.

"Aishiteru, Rika-chan. I can't bear to lose you. I just found you again and this time I won't let you go."

She gasped as she heard those words. Fresh tears were pouring out of her eyes again so she closed her eyes to stop them.

She felt his lips on her eyelids before moving to her cheeks to kiss her tears away. It wasn't long before she felt his lips brush against hers. Suddenly feeling very happy, she threw her arms around his neck and drew his head closer to hers.

She kissed him with all of the pent-up longing stored in her heart. She showed him how much she loves him through her lips.

When their kiss ended, it was his turn to look questioningly at her. She smiled her gentlest smile and looked at him with her love obvious in her golden eyes. She touched the side of his face and instinctively his hand reached up to press her hand harder against his face.

"I love you too, Yoshi-kun. It took me a while to realize it but now I know for sure. It's you that I've been waiting for all my life."

Yoshi-kun replied by placing his arms around her waist, drew her closer and bent over to kiss the love of his life yet again.

To be continued…

**bishlov:** *peers inside the window of the cabin* so finally they're together. Idiots! It took them nine chapters before realizing they were meant for each other.

**Bono:** *barks in agreement*

**bishlov:** *stops being a peeping tom and looks at the dog* looks like you'll stay here for quite a while, old boy.

**Bono:** *whines and looks at bishlov with puppy eyes*

**bishlov:** Can't take you home with me. My other dogs will just yap at you nonstop…not to mention that I'm allergic to longhaired dogs.

**Bono:** *whines again this time rolling over and begging*

**bishlov:** No can do and quit staring at me like that. How about I give you some Scooby Snax?

**Bono:** *jumps up and barks enthusiastically*

**bishlov:** Hahaha. Gets them every time *throws Scooby Snax to Bono*. See you at the wedding guys!!! Ja!

**Don't forget to review, minna-san!!! c',)**


	10. Yoshiyuki

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional. 

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya-mou 

Chapter 10: The Wedding Jitters

**Setting: **At the Mountain Lodge, four months later.

STAGE 1 

**_Symptoms: _**_epileptic fidgeting, Oscar-the-Grouch attitude, and tennis ball movements._

"Mou! Would you stop squirming," Yashko yelled in exasperation. This was the third time he retied Yoshiyuki's black tie and his arms were getting tired. "If you ever touch this tie again I am going to personally cancel this wedding. So help me God, I will."

"Give the man a break, Yashko. All of us went through this kind of thing," Syaoran said, amusement evident in his voice. He sweatdropped when the best man started to slap the groom's hands off the tie. He sighed as he reached deep in his pants' pocket. It was a good thing he was prepared for this kind of emergency.

"Yoshiyuki, heads up!"

The groom did look up. He looked up in time to see a stress ball smacking right in the middle of his forehead before dropping to his upturned shaking hands.

"Gee. Thanks a lot. Just what I need…a bruise on my wedding day."

"Yare yare. Would you stop being a pain in the ass and just relax." Yashko tugged the man and pushed him down on a high stool in the middle of the room.

As soon as he stepped back, Yoshiyuki stood up and started pacing the room again. The others sweatdropped as their heads followed his movements back and forth. They sweatdropped some more when they noticed that the stress ball was no longer reinflating and was squeezed to a bloody pulp.

"God, I hate this waiting!" Yoshiyuki started to raise his hand to ruffle his hair in frustration but stopped himself halfway. He didn't want to mess his hair. He wanted to look good so Rika would see what a good catch he really was.

Looking at the full-length mirror, he scrutinized every inch of his body.

_Shoes…shiny._

_Pants…well ironed._

_Coat…no dust or lint in sight._

_Tie…a bit crooked._ He adjusted it to perfection.

_Hair…every strand in place._

_Face…smooth and clear._

Then he noticed the worry lines on his forehead and at the corner of his eyes. He suddenly turned back to his new friends.

"What if…"

Yashko, Syaoran, Eriol and Takashi looked at each other knowingly.

STAGE 2 

**_Symptoms:_**_ begins all sentences with 'What If', tennis ball movements, and saucer-sized eyes._

Yoshiyuki started to pace around the room again.

"What if she changes her mind?"

"What if she realizes I'm too old for her?"

"What if she thinks I'm not good enough?"

"What if she thinks we're not meant for each other?"

"What if she has met another guy and is seriously having second thoughts about the wedding right now?"

He stopped pacing and looked at his friends expectantly. He sweatdropped when he saw that none of them were listening, well, except for Takashi who was writing his tirade down on a small notebook. Syaoran and Yashko were playing rock, paper, scissors while Eriol was holding out his hands as a scoreboard.

"Are you listening to me or not," Yoshiyuki yelled at them. He was at the brink of a nervous breakdown and the men who were supposed to calm him down were playing kiddy games.

"No need to shout. I'm listening," Takashi consoled the groom. "In fact, I listed down everything you said. Oy, minna-san, let's answer them. What if number one…what if she changes her mind?"

"Not going to happen. But if she does change her mind then you would probably be left at the makeshift altar in front of fifty people or so with a large bill," Yashko answered.

"Tsk tsk. Such a scary thought. But don't worry.  You'll have the priest to accompany you.  What if number two…what if she realizes that Yoshiyuki is too old for her?"

"You could buy her lovely old stuffs that way she could start collecting antiques," Eriol said with a straight face.

"Good one, Eriol. What if number three…what if she thinks that he's not good enough?"

"Mou. You shouldn't worry about that. All women are hard to satisfy." It was Syaoran's turn.

"True, true. What if number four…what if she thinks that they're not meant for each other?"

All four of them thought seriously. It was hard to find a funny answer to that because the couple was definitely meant for each other. Destiny had thrown them together twice in their lives and only an idiot (and a paranoid groom) would doubt their fate.

"That's a hard one but I'd say the answer is the same as the answer in 'what if number one'." Yashko said after a while and the other two agreed.

"This last one is mine. What if she has met another guy and is having second thoughts about marrying him," Takashi walked up to an angry yet sweatdropping Yoshiyuki and patted his back. "You don't have to worry about that right now. Usually that guy shows up well after you're married. That's when he'll steal her away from you."

Yoshiyuki looked at him with a murderous glare that could put Syaoran's patented glare to shame. Takashi sweatdropped and quickly backed away. "Hey, man, it was just a joke. We didn't mean any of it."

"He's right, Yoshiyuki. You should loosen up. Nothing bad is going to happen. Don't you trust in Rika? You're her first and only love. She wouldn't think those stuffs about you," Yashko came to Takashi's rescue.

Yoshiyuki sighed and sat down on the stool.

STAGE 3 

**_Symptoms: _**_extreme weariness from initial agitation, puts bride on pedestal while groom sulks about his shortcomings._

"I know, I know. It's just that she's perfect," he said as he gave in to the urge of running his nervous fingers through his hair. "I mean she's so beautiful, smart, sweet, funny, generous, kind, loving. And her voice…it's like…and her eyes are so…Her touch and smile always…"

The others rolled their eyes in exasperation. The man was so smitten with his wife-to-be that his vocabulary was starting to diminish. He's obviously suffering from the _'she's an angel and I'm a nobody' syndrome_. They waited for the other symptom to appear.

It wasn't a long wait.

"What could she possibly want from me? I'm nothing compared to her. Well, look at me. I'm…"

"…old enough to be her otousan," Yashko supplied for him.

"Don't exaggerate, Yashko. I'm only ten years older than her. I don't think that's such a great age gap. Is it?"

"Uhuh," Syaoran said concomitantly. "Come to think of it, Yoshiyuki, you and Rika doesn't seem to fit physically. You're so largely built…probably three feet taller than her. A giant compared to her small, delicate figure."

"You're exaggerating too. I'm no more than a foot and half taller than her. And what does size have to do with this?" Yoshiyuki demanded with a bewildered expression.

"Oh but size does matter," Takashi replied with an evil grin, a pair of horny horns visibly emerging from his hair. He wasn't able to continue though because Syaoran smacked the back of his head.

"Not to mention that your interests are somewhat dissimilar. You're a writer, she's a chef. Even if you take the first letters of your jobs, they're still at the opposite ends of the alphabet."

Yashko, Syaoran and Takashi sweatdropped at Eriol. What he said did not make any sense. Nevertheless, their plan was working. Reverse psychology is really the way to cure this stage of pre-wedding jitters.

STAGE 4 

**_Symptoms: _**_says the word 'love' in almost every sentence, declaration of a very mushy declamation piece, chin up high and chest held out._

"Okay, so maybe I am not good enough for her. But I love Rika with all of my heart and soul. My love will fill in my shortcomings and weaknesses. Even if she doesn't love me as I love her, I will not let that get in my way."

"Yosha! That's the spirit!" Eriol clapped him from behind. "You can breathe now."

Yoshiyuki let out the breath he was unconsciously holding. It felt good letting it all out. He believed every word he just said.

It doesn't matter if Rika's love for him was just one-sixteenth of his love for her. His was definitely more than enough to last them a lifetime. And that lifetime he will use to make her fall madly in love with him.

That is, a lifetime they will have if she doesn't back out.

STAGE 5 

**_Symptoms: _**_involuntary twitching of right eye, ping pong ball movements, hyperventilation, and images of bachelorhood flashing before the groom's eyes._

There was a knock on the door. Yashko hurriedly opened it and talked to the usher who knocked.

"Five minutes," he announced to the groom and the groom's men.

Yoshiyuki instantly felt the blood drain from his face.

_It's time!_

He began pacing around the room in panic. Despite of his declamation of undying love earlier, he couldn't help feeling the fright of leaving his safe bachelor status.

"Hey slow down," Takashi warned. "Breathe slowly. You don't want to faint like Eriol did when he got married."

"You fainted?" Yoshiyuki asked incredulously at the blushing man even though he was still having breathing problems.

"Er…I did black out for a few seconds," Eriol said sheepishly as he slapped Takashi hard on his head.  _(AN: Tsk tsk.  Poor Yamazaki-kun.  He might need a CAT scan before the wedding is over.)_

_Not good. Calm down Yoshiyuki. What are you more frightened of…losing the freedom you had as a bachelor or losing the woman you love?_

The thought instantly calmed him down. It took him three months to ask Rika to marry him. He had wanted to propose to her ever since that day they confessed their love for each other but knew it wasn't the right time. As days became weeks and weeks became months he found it harder and harder to propose not because he thought Rika wasn't ready yet but because he lacked the guts.

The months they spent together had helped her with her depression although she still takes those anti-depressant pills and sees Dr Morikawa. She no longer stares off in space nor does she have any more nightmares. He had made sure that she doesn't by always staying close to her even in her sleep.

Actually, it was more for his peace of mind rather than hers. He couldn't bear leaving her side even for just a minute.

He had waited all of his life for Rika and he wasn't about to let her go. Not now.  Not ever.

After taking one last look at the mirror, he nodded at his friends to tell them that he was ready. One by one, they came up to him to either pat his back or shake his hand before leaving the room.

He took a single cleansing breath and said a silent thank you prayer to Kami-sama for letting him find happiness and true love at last.

STAGE 6 

**_Symptoms:_**_ serene look in reaction to surrounding, immense enthusiasm and anticipation._

Upon entering the hallway, he heard the crowd hush as beautiful violin music permeated the air. He and Rika wanted to break some wedding traditions and one of them was to scratch out the organ music. Instead they hired a pair of concert violinists to play romantic pieces.

Yoshiyuki sighed as he took in the wonderful view. The Mountain Lodge had a very beautiful clearing at the rear. With spring well underway, the area had an emerald carpet with the rows of guests in the middle. They didn't have to order flowers because the place was filled with it. Birds and butterflies were flying around, sharing the joyous atmosphere with the people.

In front of the chairs was a gazebo where he could see the priest waiting for the ceremony to begin. And beyond the gazebo was a small spring flowing gently down the mountain. Its sound plus the chirping songs of the birds and the violin music were truly mesmerizing.

It was a beautiful day for a wedding…for their wedding.

The change in music signaled the start of the walk down the middle aisle. Takashi and Chiharu's twins marched first with the girl _(AN: yes their fraternal)_ throwing petals to the ground followed by Eriol and Tomoyo's daughter escorted by Yukino's son. The guests cooed at how cute the children looked then cooed some more as their parents plus Sakura, Syaoran, Naoko and Yashko followed behind. Pair by pair their friends made their way down the aisle and soon it was their turn.

Yoshiyuki and Rika wanted to break another tradition by walking down the aisle together. But the others protested about it so they compromised.

He stepped out of the hallway and slowly strode to the right side of the guests. He wanted to look behind him to see Rika walking to the left side but was worried that he might trip and fall flat on his face. When he reached the outer aisle he gave in to the temptation and looked at her across the sea of heads.

STAGE 7 

**_Symptoms:_**_ slow motion of movements and heartbeats, angels singing Halleluiah inside the head, metal to magnet reaction, anticipation leading to satisfaction and later on fulfillment._

An angel. Definitely an angel and soon she would be _his_ angel.

Yoshiyuki forced the lump in his throat to go down. Her beauty had always stunned him and today was definitely no exception.

She had refused to wear a veil saying that she wanted to see everything clearly. And now he was thanking her for making that decision because _he_ could see _her_ clearly.

Her dark brown curls were piled on top of her head in a messy yet chic way. Three small rose buds held the bun in place, the same white flower inserted in his black tuxedo lapel only his was slightly bigger and open.

As if sensing his eyes on her, Rika looked up and slowly glanced over to him. Yoshiyuki held his breath in anticipation as he watched several loose locks of her hair graze her bare shoulder. His knees weakened as she gave him that gentle smile of hers, which he knew was full of love and joy.

Snapping out of his trance when he heard the music change again, he slowly walked forward matching Rika's steps. He didn't mind that all of the guests' attentions were focused on her and not one of them was looking at him. He didn't mind at all for he was as captivated of her beauty as they were.

He didn't take his eyes off her nor did he blink. He watched as the late afternoon sun illuminated her smooth skin and strapless white gown. Each of her steps caused different crystal sequins to sparkle. He had to admit that Tomoyo-chan outdid herself for she made the perfect wedding gown for Rika…simple yet elegant. It suited her personality very well.

The satin number hugged her upper body like second skin whereas the skirt was full-bodied and flowing to the ground, leaving a trail behind her as she walked on. Her hands were as bare as her shoulder, her slim fingers gently clasping the stem of her rose bouquet. 

They reached the front and were greeted by their parents, blocking his view of her for a couple of minutes. In what seemed like hours he saw her again, this time accompanied by her father.

Yoshiyuki immediately moved to meet them. He went through the motions of shaking Rika's otousan's hand but all the while his attention was at the beautiful bride. He raised his left hand, beckoning her to join him. Electricity coursed throughout his body as her fingers grazed his upturned palm before intertwining them with his.

Raising their joined hands, he kissed the back of her hand. He loved holding her hand and he knew that she does too. It were always the simple things they enjoy like holding hands, hugging, sitting close to each other, staring deep into each other's eyes, and butterfly kisses on the forehead, tip of the nose and lips.

Simple gestures bursting with love.

"Hime," he whispered to her.

"Koi," she whispered back.

How he wanted to kiss her right now but that wouldn't do. So he just squeezed her hand and she squeezed his in return while beaming up at him. Together they walked towards the gazebo where their future awaits them.

At last their lives will cease being empty as they vow everlasting union of their hearts as well as completion of their souls.

Twice Destiny has thrown them together. This time Fate made sure they wouldn't miss their chance in fulfilling the love that took years to be realized.

To be concluded… 

**bishlov:** Ohohohohoho. I do believe I outdid myself.

**Yukino-chan:** *sniff* such a beautiful wedding although I can't believe you stopped at that.

**bishlov:** Stop complaining. I think it is more romantic if I end it that way. Besides aren't you happy that I have more time now to change you back into Yukito?

**Yukino-chan:** So you're going to turn me back *starry eyes*?

**bishlov: ** Er…I don't know. Maybe we should ask Eriol-kun if he found something in his library. Why don't you go on ahead? I'll follow you.

**Yukino-chan:** Fat chance! You just want to catch Rika-chan's bouquet so you're eliminating the competition. Ha! I'll get that bouquet if it's the last thing I do. *Runs towards the crowd of single females*

**bishlov:** ^_^0 and here I thought she doesn't want to be a girl. *faces the readers* Oy, minna-san! I changed my mind. This won't be the last PG13 chapter. There's one more to go (chapter 11) and that would **really** be the last PG13 chap. Those who want the lemon don't worry. I'm making a separate story for it. Just hold on to your seats.

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!! c',) c',) c',)**


	11. Rika

**Note:** This chapter may contain sexual innuendos and mild foreplay from the middle to the end. But no sex so this is still PG13. I hope I rated it right ^_^0.

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

UNFULFILLED LOVE 

By bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou

Chapter 11: The Honeymoon Jitters Part 1

Rika looked up at the star filled sky and sighed. It was a lovely wedding and she still can't believe that it was _her_ wedding. No longer the bridesmaid but the bride herself. Everybody had said how beautiful she looked…how her radiance multiplied her beauty tenfold.

And she felt radiant. She had never felt this happy before. It sounds ironic that her loneliness had given her happiness. And her depression had given her Yoshi.

She closed her eyes and smiled. Her mind instantly conjured his handsome face. Her breath still gets stuck in her throat as she recalled how he looked earlier. He looked so dashing in his black tuxedo she was reminded what a catch he really was. Many women had swooned and will still swoon over his handsome features.

That was when she had doubts if she was worthy enough to be his wife. He can have any woman he wants but he chose her.

_He chose neurotic me_, she had thought at that time.

But then she saw how he looked at her as they walked down the aisles. He had not looked at anywhere or anyone else but her. And his eyes conveyed pure adoration that she felt tears of happiness and relief sting her eyes.

_He really loves me_, she said to herself in wonder. No matter how many times he told her he loved her, she still can't believe it. She thanks Kami-sama everyday for giving her such good luck…for showing her true love.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Rika opened her eyes and saw her husband sitting beside her on the bench. She automatically moved to sit on his lap. Ever since that night when she confessed her problems to him, sitting on his lap whenever they were alone had become a habit. A habit neither of them wants to break.

"My thoughts are worth more than a zillion of pennies because they are all about a very special man," she whispered against his lips, teasing him with her words and her lips.

"Oh? And what made this man so special to be worth a zillion of pennies?" He teased back.

She grinned as she remembered the list of good traits that she mentally made four months ago.

"He's a perfect gentleman…

He's a funny…

And caring man…

A good listener…

A great friend…"

She kissed different parts of his face as she said each trait to stress her words. After a while she returned back to his lips.

"…And a great kisser."

He gave her what she wanted when he let out a soft growl before hungrily pressing his lips to hers. His arms around her tightened in order to bring her body closer to his. It was a long time before they broke apart to end their passionate kiss.

Rika felt his heart beat hard against her hand and his warm breath fan her forehead. When her own breath returned to a more normal rhythm, she lifted her head from his shoulder to whisper in his ear.

"Most of all, I think that man is very special because he accepted and loved me for who I really am, faults and all. I am deeply grateful for that."

She leaned away from him to see how he would react to her last confession. She instinctively closed her eyes when she felt his fingers brush the side of her face. He lifted her chin up with a curled finger then lightly kissed her nose.

"I don't want your gratitude, hime. All I want is you and your love."

She opened her bright eyes and stared at his deep brown ones. She knew that her eyes mirrored the love evident in his eyes but still she knew that he longed to hear those words again and again.

"Aishiteru, Yoshi, now and forever," she said before laying her head back on his shoulder and giving a butterfly kiss on his neck. She smiled tenderly as she felt him shiver in reaction to her words and lips.

They stayed like that for a long time. Rika leaning against him and Yoshi hugging her to him. Once or twice, he would lift a hand to rub some warmth on her bare shoulder and back. Once or twice, she would lift a hand to touch the side of his neck and the collarbone exposed under the unbuttoned shirt.

A loud bout of laughter coming from the makeshift outdoor reception area several meters away permeated the comfortable silence between the couple.

"Do you think they're wondering where we are," Rika asked as she toyed with a button of his shirt.

"I suppose," he replied although he did not move an inch.

"Don't you think it's time we said goodbye to our guests?" She said as she buried her head deeper to hide her blush.

"I suppose," he replied again, still not moving.

The past months they spent together were enough for them to know almost everything about each other. And Rika knew that Yoshi's response, or lack thereof, meant he was up to something. She sat straight and saw that her instincts were correct. Yoshi's grin was reaching towards his ears; his eyes were gleaming with mischief.

The insufferable man was always teasing her about her habit of blushing whenever she wanted to take their relationship to the more intimate level. For the past couple of months, she had been subtly seducing him but he never took the bait. Rika believed that Yoshi believed that she still wasn't ready for a huge step such as making love.

Even if she did tell him directly that she was ready, she knew he wouldn't believe her. After all, he's still having a hard time accepting the fact that she wasn't really going to kill herself that morning in his kitchen. That was his reason why he went back to Tomoeda to move in with her three months ago. He had said that he wanted to make sure that she wouldn't try to make another stunt like that again.

At first it had hurt Rika for he didn't trust her enough. She was capable of taking care of herself but he continued on treating her as though she was a child. That had been their first fight. But then he apologized and said that he was just too scared to lose her.

So she let him move in together with Bono. What woman wouldn't if the man you loved said those words to you? They spent all nights and most of the mornings together for she adjusted her workload so that she wouldn't have to work at nights. Anyone who wanted to eat her cooking must go to the restaurant during lunchtime. For dinner, the customers would have to be content with the other chef's creations.

When she comes home in the late afternoons, it would be Bono who would greet her at the door followed by Yoshi. They would kiss and ask each other how their day went. They would cook dinner together and spend the rest of the evening talking and taking the dog out for a night stroll. Afterwards they would cuddle up on the couch and watch TV highlighted by frequent make out sessions.

Domestic bliss. But still something was missing.

No it wasn't the marriage that she wanted then. Not yet anyway. She loved him with all of her heart but didn't want to marry him not until she was well underway in recovering from her depression.

To put it bluntly, it was the sex that she wanted.  She was not as conservative as what others tend to believe about her.

She wanted all of him…body, mind, heart and soul. So far she had seen the last three but not the first one. Not entirely anyway.

Night after night for the past three months, they had slept side by side on her bed. They would snuggle up as close as they can; her head on his chest, his arms around her body, and their legs in a comfortable tangle.

But there never was sex. And it had frustrated Rika all the more because she wanted him to love her completely and claim her body as his. She knew that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him. She had felt the _proof_ of it many, many times against her thigh during their heated make out sessions. So she decided it was up to her to make the first move.

But however bold she thought of herself, she still had the shyness in her. Her blush always gave her away just as it was giving her away now. But she grinned mischievously back at her husband for now he wouldn't have any excuse to not make love with her.

Tonight she will be completely his and he will be completely hers.

_Let the foreplay begin_, she smirked to herself.

She leaned for a kiss and watched his eyes close as he leaned towards her too. At the last possible moment when their lips were supposed to touch, Rika slowly slid from his lap, her fingers lightly grazing down his torso. She stood in front of him, an innocent smile pasted on her face. She stifled a giggle at his confused expression.

"My prince," she curtsied formally, "would you grant me this wish and dance with me?"

Yoshi gave her a suspicious look before smiling softly. He stood up and bowed low before wrapping his arms around her. She placed her hands on his shoulder and laid her forehead on the curve of his neck.

"Anything for my hime," he whispered near her ear before gently swaying to the silent music of the night.

All through out the dance, Rika teased Yoshi with her fingers. They reached up grazing his neck lightly before burying deep into his hair. They massaged his scalp for a while before going back down his neck, making sure that the sensitive area behind his ear would not go unnoticed.

She skimmed a collarbone with a gentle caress then went back to unbutton the third button of his shirt. Her left hand quickly dove in under the shirt, brushing a warm path along his upper chest rounding towards his back. She did the same with her right hand clasping her hands together behind him underneath his shirt.

She smiled softly when he shivered from her ministrations. His hand moved up her back, brushing her shoulder before tilting her chin up. She raised her head obligingly and gave in to the desire to kiss him. Her lips were slightly open but did not widen until his tongue was practically begging for entry.

Granting his wish, she opened her mouth and teased his tongue with hers. She deemed herself an expert when it comes to kissing Yoshi. In the four months they were together, she had a lot of practice and even found out a few things that drove him crazy. One was nibbling on his lower lip. For some reason he liked it whenever she gave particular attention to his lower lip.

And Rika thought it was high time she drove him crazy. She gave his tongue one last stroke before pulling away. He groaned first in protest then in delight when she captured his lower lip in between her lips. She gave it a couple of nibbles before executing her secret weapon.

_Let's see how you'll react this time koi_, she grinned inwardly. Gently, so as to tease him some more, she bit on his lip and stroked it with her tongue then quickly pulled away. She heard him gasp in surprise so she raised her head to see if he liked what she did.

What she saw pleased her. His face was flushed and his eyes were glazed with passion. His breathing was uneven and his heart was pounding madly beneath her hand.

"I think it's time to say goodbye to our guests," he said breathlessly. He took her hand and pulled her towards the makeshift reception area.

By the time they reached the area Rika was breathless not from the walk but from the anticipation and slight nervousness on what's to come. She focused her attention at the remaining guests to calm her frantically beating heart. She mingled with them but did not leave Yoshi's side mainly because he had a death grip on her hand. He was politely wishing them good night and said that they would find the rooms they rented for the guests at the Lodge very comfortable.

"Rika," Sakura came to the bride's side and linked her free arm with hers. "Are you happy now?"

"Hai," Rika smiled back. "Never in my life had I been this happy. And it's all because of Yoshi-kun."

"I'm glad. By the way, Yoshiyuki's sister left a message for you. She said that everything is arranged as planned. What did she mean by that?" Sakura asked although her eyes were already gleaming with mischief.

"Ahh. It's for me to know and Yoshi to find out," she grinned back.

"What would I find out?" he butted in suddenly.

"That women can be secretive and conniving even to their husbands," Naoko appeared out of nowhere followed by Chiharu.

"Not my hime, ne?" Yoshi smiled at his wife but only received a secretive smile in return. He raised an eyebrow but decided to let it go. "By the way, where are the guys? I haven't thanked them yet for helping me out."

"They're inside. No doubt betting on something that would happen tonight," Chiharu said with a wink to Rika, making the newlyweds blush.

"I'll be back shortly," Yoshi said near her ear and kissed her temple.

The four women sighed dreamy sighs as they watched their ex-sensei stride towards the Lodge. Almost instantly, Sakura, Chiharu and Naoko started teasing Rika. She felt her face burn at their tips on how to make a man go wild in bed but did note down some that are not too kinky for her.

"Where's Tomoyo?"

"She said something about wrapping another gift for you. Here she comes now," Sakura pointed at the beaming woman.

"Good, you haven't left yet. Here. I want you to have this."

Rika accepted the small box and looked questioningly at Tomoyo. She lifted the lid of the box and saw that inside was a videotape.

"What's this?"

"It's, uh, the only copy of what happened earlier."

"Earlier?"

"Yeah. You see, um, I was walking around you know, getting some fresh air when I stumbled upon you and Yoshiyuki-san around twenty or so minutes ago."

Rika's face turned white then red when she realized that the woman saw her and her husband making out. Tomoyo quickly explained her behavior.

"I know what I did wasn't nice and probably too naughty for your taste but I had to videotape you guys because you were so kawaii together."

"When will you ever change, Tomoyo? You are such a peeping tom," Sakura sweatdropped along with the others. "Don't worry, Rika, she did that to everyone. You're lucky all you have is one tape. She has tapes of Syaoran and me that are too many to count."

"Tapes? What about tapes? Did you know that the origin of tapes dated back to…?" Takashi appeared out of nowhere.

"Not right now, dear. We don't want to stall our newlyweds, do we?" Chiharu sweetly stopped her husband from making up another story.

"Ahh…I see my lovely wife had been busy again," Eriol said to Rika, smiling wickedly at the tape in her hands.

"What's in it?" Yoshi asked as he draped his jacket on Rika's bare shoulder. He noticed his wife's lovely blush and got more curious.

"Er…nothing you haven't already seen, koi," she said as she hid the tape in the pocket of his jacket. She looked up at his face and saw his eyes flicker in reaction to the endearment.

"Oh wow! Look at the time!" Syaoran yawned a fake yawn and stretched his arms, landing gently on his wife's shoulder. He gave her a slight push towards the Lodge then gave a big wink to Yoshi. "I think it's bedtime for you and the little one, Sakura. Great wedding, guys, and congratulations."

The others took the hint and bid their goodbyes to the couple. Within a few of minutes, Yoshi and Rika were alone outside (except for several waiters cleaning up). He faced her and adjusted his jacket closer to her body. His hands closed on the lapels and pulled her closer to him.

"Rika Terada," he whispered against her lips.

"Mmm. I love the sound of that." She smiled up at him. He leaned down again this time kissing the tip of her nose.

"Let's go home, hime," Yoshi wrapped an arm around her waist and led her to the car. He helped her in, adjusting her long skirt so it wouldn't get caught by the door. 

Rika watched him walk to the other side and climb in beside her. A couple of minutes later, she cracked her window open, wanting to feel the wind against her face. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, unaware that Yoshi was staring at her from the corner of his eyes. She raised her arms, his jacket sliding off her shoulder, and pulled the pins and rosebuds holding her hair up. Brown locks fell gracefully to her back, the shorter strands grazing her shoulder.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she brushed her hair with her fingers. She opened her eyes after a while for she felt the car stop. She looked at Yoshi in question but was startled when he pulled her closer to him and kissed her passionately, burying his hands in her hair. She responded back with enthusiasm, quickly forgetting her confusion.

"You tempt me beyond sanity, do you know that?" he said when they broke the kiss. He brushed her hair away from her face then turned back to drive.

Rika did not expect him to react in such a way to simple, unintentional actions. She smiled all throughout the drive to his cabin. Once there, Yoshi quickly went to her side to open the door. As she was about to get out, his arms snaked underneath her and carried her in his arms. She yelped in surprise as she reached around his neck for support.

"I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold, remember?" He grinned at her. He shut the car door with a kick and strode towards the front door.

Rika turned the knob since he has his hands full and pushed the door open. The cabin was dark but she could see a soft glow coming from the bedroom. She sent a silent thanks to Yukino-chan for fulfilling her request.

"Aren't you going to put me down yet?"

"Not until you give me a reason."

"What if I tell you that I have a surprise for you in the bedroom?"

"Nani?" Yoshi looked at his wife who was obviously pleased with herself. Perhaps now he will know what she's been hiding from him the entire evening. He gently laid her on her feet then turned back to lock the front door. When he turned around again Rika was gone. His eyes swept the dark room and fell on the open dimly lit bedroom. 

Rika waited for him to follow her and smiled as he stood in surprise when he entered the room. She had asked Yukino-chan to come earlier that evening to fix the bedroom for her. Dozens of candles were lit all over the room, filling it with a soft glow and a heady scent.

She had missed those first couple of nights she spent in this cabin when Yoshi lit the candles during dinner. She had thought it romantic then and she still does now. The candles were certainly a plus in her plans of seducing her husband to bed.

Rika smiled what she hoped a seductive smile. She looked deeply into Yoshi's eyes and lifted a hand. With one curling finger, she beckoned him to finally claim what was rightfully his.

~OWARI~

**bishlov:**  Ohohohoho! Looks like Rika-chan is on fire. I hope you guys didn't think she was too sex starved.

I decided to take **L-chan**'s suggestion and separate the lemon chapter so that the young ones can still read chapters one to eleven.

I'm planning to make the lemon a one shot and I'm gonna call it _H-moon Jitters 2_. So to those who are mature enough to read it, please check it out but it won't be out for quite a while yet ^_^0. That will be my first lemon fic so I want it to turn out beautifully.

And to those who had been reading and reviewing _Unfulfilled Love_…ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!! Thank you very much for your support and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

YOU GUY'S ARE THE GREATEST!!! I LOVE YOU TO DEATH!!!

Don't hold back on the reviews, k? My last wish to you guys…PUHLEEEEZZZZ!!! c',)


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